As I think Iâ€™ve said before, I have to work the register every now and again. I donâ€™t like it, but I do it anyway. Iâ€™ve noticed over the past few weeks that old people are real jackasses with their money. Rather than take their stack of one dollar bills (Iâ€™m assuming they are on their way to the tittie-bar) and hand it to me they toss it scattering the bills all over the counter. My response: Slowly as possible, I pick up each bill one-by-one. I straighten them, flatten them, and sort them accordingly. Depending on the quantity, I sometimes put them in the drawer one at a time as well. I doubt that these inconsiderate assholes even notice Iâ€™m taking my sweet time, but it makes me feel better.
Then thereâ€™s the other breed, plastic users. Yes, you fucking prick, I see that you have a credit card. Is it necessary for you to toss the card at me? I have a â€œself-swiperâ€ for a reason. I donâ€™t swipe it, you do! How to I fix this situation? As awkwardly as possible I lean over the counter and swipe the card in the easily accessible self-swiper on the opposite side of the counter. That usually gets them, but they only feign giving a shit with a half-hearted, â€œOops, I didnâ€™t realizeâ€¦â€ (These arenâ€™t necessarily old people, but studies show that most old people are jackasses with plastic as well.)
Finally, we have a whole new breed of cocksucker. This asshole is so proud that he has a credit/debit card that he *snaps* the card on the counter, so everyone in a 25-foot radius knows he has some plastic and intends on using it, by flicking one corner against the counter. I counter this situation a little differently than the afformentioned â€œcredit-card-cocksucker,â€ I usually give them a resonating, â€œBIG MAN! Swipe that there you dog, you!â€