I hate it when…
...Other pharmacists don't want to fill shit so they call me telling me that they don't have it only to send over the C-II script that isn't signed. I really had that happen today. The other pharmacist called the MD and got a verification - for what reason, I don't know. I guess he/she neglected to consider what the DEA thinks (You can't change patient name, drug, or signature on a C-II in the USA). So, just to be a dick, I had my tech fax over a copy of the DEA Requirements concerning a C-II script (I happened to have something itemizing everything on a script with a bulleted outline on what can be changed and what cannot). I'm sure that pharmacist thought I was a huge dick - I thought I was freakin' hilarious.
-=+=-
I hit a new personal record today. I received 20 NEW, PAPER prescriptions from an assortment of people in the 10 minutes before I closed for lunch. I had filled 50 fucking scripts up to that point. I got 13 from an elderly couple returning from vacation, 3 from a guy that I'll never see again, the C-II script above, 2 for a baby that mommy had been holding on to for 3 days, and 1 for a fucking ferret. Never filled for a ferret before, but I guess he deserves to eat up my lunch half-hour. I went to work on these people as the piled into a fucking line at my drop off. I convinced the old folks to come back in 4 hours (they wanted to wait...cocks), the guy I'll never see again would come back after lunch (he saw the hunger in my eye), mommy was gonna come back after lunch (she never did - poor child), the ferret was coming back in an hour, and the C-II was my only wait-er...We know how that turned out.
-=+=-
I complemented a lady today on how well behaved her two girls were as they waited for their prescription. They sat quietly talking to each other and bothered no one. Mom read a magazine and never even looked up at the kids. It was amazing. I couldn't believe how well 2 five and six-year-old girls minded so well. When their script was finished, I called them up, mom paid for her script, I told her how good her children were, and as they were leaving, one of those little sluts turned around and threw her sucker at me. It hit me in the throat and left a bunch of red gook on my nice white jacket. I hope that little bitch gets pregnant before high school.
I handled it well, though. I just said, "Hey! That wasn't nice [insert swears under breath]!"
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And to believe I kept my cool…I shoulda went apeshit!
I'm very proud to post the following story. It shows that I have grown up, so-to-speak. I actually kept my cool today. Make no mistake, I was completely pissed off. I was so angry I couldn't see straight, but I kept my emotions in check...
This middle aged lady brings in a box of Alavert-D to return it. She bought it yesterday, but meant to buy (read: waste her money) just plain ole Alavert. She had the receipt...but it didn't matter. The box was opened. Hell, there may have been a tablet or two gone.
"I'd like to return this. The manager told me that if you had a problem to call him..."
[I think it's cute the manager is trying to flex his nuts here. At the same time, I hate him for pawning this off on me...]
"Well ma'am. It's not really a matter of me calling the manager in this situation. I simply cannot return this product for a plethora of reasons. It's been opened. It's a controlled-substance now, and the main reason I can't accept it back is because it's against the law. Once a medcine leaves the pharmacy, I can't take it back."
[Here's where it gets funny. I usually allow the person to say something here - mostly to see what their thoughts are. If they even just say 'well I really wanna return it' I tell them that I'll do them one better...I'll give them store credit for the cost of the product AND let them keep it. Hell, I can't resell it. I can't do anything with it. It's a bitch to return - so I leave it with them.]
This bitch didn't even give me the CHANCE to give her the cake AND let her eat it. She got so huffed up she grabbed her little plastic back, snatched her receipt, and literally marched the fuck out of my pharmacy. And it wasn't a slow march - this bitch was moving. She was almost RUNNING.
I was taken aback. I kept my cool. I didn't call her a bitch, idiot, or any of the other words running through my mind. Ohh, I wanted too.
I just left her with one word, "BYE!"
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More random stories from the abyss…
A lady came to the counter day that was 120 if she was a day old. She asked me where the per-mints were. I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about. I ask her what they were for, and she looked at me like I'd asked her where babies come from. "You put it in your hair and it makes your hair curly..." I realized what she meant at this point. Before I could get out a syllable of direction, she turned her head and began screaming at the top of her lungs, "RUTH! RUTH! RUUUTH!" -- I was expecting the Babe himself to be walking down the aisle. She scampered off after the phantom, "Ruth." I was fully expecting a camera crew to come spring a practical joke on me...
-=+=-
Again...when I ask someone, "Have you filled here before?" The answer I'm looking for is NOT, "Well, not this one..." -- Duh...I'm holding the prescription...
Why are you retarded?
-=+=-
Some rando came in today and wanted two boxes of twenty-four-hour Sudafed. He bought one yesterday as well. His NON-DRIVER license address is 20 miles away - I confirmed with him that it was correct. I told him that two was over the limit, just as it was yesterday when he asked. I also asked him what happened to the box from yesterday. He lost it.
Aside: Normally I don't ask. Hell, most people I tell to come back tomorrow and again the next day and get their month supply in three days so they don't have to worry about it. This joker had black shit under his fingernails, major meth mouth, was wearing a doo-rag, had long hair, and was covered in tattoos. Yes, I am aware that he has sinuses as well, but he passed 10 pharmacies to get to mine two days in a row (one of those days being a Sunday) to try and purchase 24-hr Sudafed.
Anyway, I was in a dick mood - go figure - and I told him that I was out. He looked at the shelf and pointed, "It's right there." I told him I didn't feel comfortable making the sale since he bought it yesterday and he's from so far away from home. He then told me that I was required by law to make the sale. He could have me arrested! I said I wasn't aware of the law, and I offered to call the police to come nab me for the criminal I am...then we would see who they would want to arrest...He declined...
-=+=-
Speaking of an above note - what's the deal with NON-DRIVER ID CARDS? I'd say that around 30-40% of my Sudafed sales are to people flinging over a non-driver id card instead of a valid drivers license. I know it's state issued and used for stuff like that, but it seems weird to me. I know that this people didn't just magically teleport to my pharmacy -- they fucking drove. They don't have a license....I don't like it at all...
-=+=-
I filled a script today for a cat. Lantus and syringes...to the tune of 120-something dollars..."Mommy" came in to pick up schnuckum's scripts. I shit you not, this lady paid me in one-dollar bills. 121 one-dollar bills. I said nothing. I merely smiled. She told me that "she was not a stripper...she was a bartender...and her boss wouldn't let her change out the ones for larger bills..." Where was she a bartender? A nearby strip club...
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More Trials and Tribulations…A New Analogy!
Today I received three calls that went pretty much as follows:
"I've got this Elidel cream that expired in May 2007. Can I still use it?"
Ugh...I always tell people that yes they can use it, but it of course will not be effective. Listen up, people. Expiration dates are not merely suggestions...Do you feel the urge to drink milk that is "just a few days past the expiration date" ????? Of course not...idiots.
-=+=-
Why do I get 50 calls a day asking me, "How much is 30 Effexor XR 150mg?" or some other random drug? Yet, I never see these magical cash patients come in...I know, some of you might say I'm getting shopped by other pharmacies. But, I never call other pharmacies for prices. I figure out what the correct price is based on my cost, and that is what I tell people. If they tell me that Walgreens or someone is selling it for $XX.XX, and it is within reason, I just switch it. Also, I know how most Wag's operate, they don't have time to be shopping prices. I also know how they charge...it is insane...they charge more than double what I do for most things. They *don't* check prices.
-=+=-
I'm open from 9am - 9pm. I close from 1:30pm - 2:00pm. Why do I fill ten prescriptions from 1:15pm -1:30pm? That's more than any other 15 minutes of the day! By those numbers, I should be filling 480 scripts a day...That's not even close to the 200 or so I do...blah! Why 1:15pm --- I just don't FUCKING GET IT! All I want to do is eat a turkey sandwich, and I can't do it. And I don't even want to think what would happen if I stayed closed a little bit longer. Imagine me closing at 1:45pm and staying closed until 2:15pm to make sure I get my 30 minute lunch (which I am required by law to get). I'd have 20 people at my drop off window swearing like a drunkin' George Carlin when I got back...not an option...
I won't even speak of the 2-15 minute breaks I'm supposed to get that I've never gotten in all my years of pharmacy...
-=+=-
Stop spilling shit in my pharmacy. Lotion is *not* easy to clean up...
-=+=-
Does anyone have an Teva-Brand or Sandoz-Brand Amlodipine/Benazepril? Anyone notice what the pill says on it? IT FUCKING SAYS LOTREL
Talk about a scam -- man, this could really make pharmacy look bad. How do you explain that away if someone notices? I know that the name-brand manufacturers make the generic after the patent runs out for about 6 months until the actual generic manufacturers get their research, patents, and studies done and applications submitted...At least, that's what I've always thought. But DAMN, change the appearance of the freaking capsule...
-=+=-
If your kid cries, screams, shits, or acts like a terror, kindly remove him from my pharmacy. If I had kids, and they were brave enough to act out in public, I promise you they will be taken to my car, scared shitless, and I will return -- leaving them locked in the car with the windows up sans air conditioner as punishment.
-=+=-
"Why does it take 20 minutes to fill my prescription? Last time it only took you two minutes!"
"Last time you got this filled, you came in at two minutes til closing. I had everything locked up, and I was on my way out the door. Everything was done. I was all caught up. Today, you dropped off your prescription behind 10 other people that also want their prescriptions in two minutes..."
Here's something I wish people would consider. Ever go to Red Lobster, Applebees, Chili's, TGI Fridays, or some other steakhouse for dinner? Ever get directly taken to a table, handed a menu, given a drink, ordered, and had your food placed directly in front of you? Fuck no. You wait an hour for a table. You get to the table and are given the menu. Your drink orders are taken and 5-10 mins later you get your drinks and order your meal. Depending on the order and the amount of business, you get your meal in 15-30 minutes. Do you bitch on the amount of time? No! In most cases, you enjoy your drink and talk to your date/friends. (Granted. In some cases, things get screwed up and you say something after you've waited forever if your waitress doesn't notice) THEN, after you finish eating, the waitress clears the plates and offers
you dessert. You wait 5-10 more minutes for that. If you don't get dessert, you wait a few minutes for your bill. You get out your credit card and set it on the table. Five minutes later, she takes the credit card and charges you. You leave a generous tip.
Total time at the restaurant: 2+ hours
You could've had Easy Mac in 10 minutes and for less than 2 bucks. But, you wanted a steak...way to go...
Compare this to my pharmacy. I am steak. I take a little bit of time, but it's delicious. Plus, you get the joy of looking at me work while waiting. But, it will be correct, cheap, and just as ordered...
You don't have to tip me. I wouldn't accept it if you tried. And I'm not feeding you. I'm dishing out complex medications designed to attach themselves to specific receptors located all over your body. What separates what I'm dishing out from poison? Merely the amount I give to you and how much I tell you to take...
Paracelsus says,
"Alle Ding' sind Gift und nichts ohn' Gift; allein die Dosis macht, dass ein Ding kein Gift ist."
Translation:
"All things are poison and nothing is without poison, only the dose permits something not to be poisonous."
Next time, ask the cook or waitress at Red Lobster about the rash under your tit.
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