Jul

I guess I’m a dick anywhere I go…

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Me being a dick, True Story

I went to Sams after work today. I need to buy some stuff. I waited in line for 15 minutes to get a “temporary card.” I never carry my card with me for some reason. I wasn’t so mad then. It was my fault and people wanted to return stuff…it was my own doing. [Anger level = 2/10]

I found what I wanted, but I’m not the most electronically minded person in the world. I had some questions. I waited for 10 minutes for someone to come help me out. I was kind of mad at this point. But, I found what I wanted. [Anger level = 5/10]

I carried my items to the checkout where I had to wait in line for 15 more minutes. There were 3 cashiers and each line had 25 people in it…I shit you not. It really made me mad that no attempts were made (that I could see) to get more cashiers to the registers. I’m well aware of what it’s like to be understaffed…but, I promise you this: when I am understaffed, when people are waiting at my register to SPEND MONEY I do whatever it takes to ring them out. I’ll even work a register myself. [Anger level = 7/10]

What did I have to do after I finally go rang out? These fuckers wanted me to wait in another ridiculously long line so some 75-year old man could look at my items and run a highlighter down my receipt. I had a few problems with this. 1) How could this man tell if I were stealing shit by glancing at carts of 100s of items with merely his eyes and an all-powerful highlighter? and 2) There’s no way to get past the registers with unpaid items. It’s all sealed off! Without being a complete thief, there’s no way. If you’re going to steal, nothing will stop you. [Anger level = 9/10]

So, what did I do? I said fuck it. I’d already been in the damn store for 45 minutes to spend 30 bucks. I walked right the fuck on by 30 people. I’d already paid. I had my receipt. I didn’t need some old man to “release” me from the store. Screw that.

The old man saw me and strafed over in front of me.

“You have to wait in line like everyone else for me to check your receipt.”

“Screw you old man. I’ve been in this store for 45 minutes. I don’t need you to check my receipt to make sure I’m not shoplifting. I’m not waiting in line any more…especially after I already paid, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it…” [Anger level = 9.5/10]

“I am checking to make sure that everything got rung out as well as ensuring that nothing got rang out twice…and I can do something. I can call store security.”

“That’s bogus. I watched as my ONE FUCKING ITEM GOT RANG OUT. It got rang out. And, go right-the-fuck-ahead and call store security. They can find me at my car. Now get out of my way, or I’m going to steamroll you, Father Time.” [Anger level = 11/10]

I’m a big guy. I’m 6′3″ with an athletic build. I’m not overweight, but I’ve got a big build. Mr. Osteoporosis got right out of my way. He called store security. I saw the two of them run into the parking lot as I was putting it in drive looking around for someone with a guilty conscience. They can eat my dust and my ass. I’ll never wait in that line again…just to go against the grain.

I’m not sure what I would have said if the store security/management would have gotten to me before I got to my car. Whatever it was, it would have involved me punching one of them in the face and kicking the other in the nuts…

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Paul T says July 3rd, 2007 at 7:23 pm

Vote with your feet, angry man. Shop on line!

And, anger level = 0/10!

elliottg says July 4th, 2007 at 1:41 am

No. They have no right to delay you. You have a lawsuit against them if they do anything. Do not give them any reason to weasel out of the lawsuit by becoming aggressive. Anything they do to you after you have purchased your item is subject to criminal and civil penalties. I wait in line because I don’t want to be a 24/7 a**hole flaunting social conventions that my wife has trained me to follow. It’s the only reason I stand in line since I know the law is totally on my side if I choose to just walk out.

Dave Given says July 4th, 2007 at 2:49 pm

If lines are long and I have only one or two small items, the jewelry counter lady is generally nice at my Sam’s (assuming she’s not helping a customer out). Or better yet, go up to the pharmacy at Sam’s slam your items on your counter, say to pharmacy staff “you’re not busy are you?!? There’s a really long line up front!!” (Perhaps you may end up in someone else’s blog)

Mary Lu says July 10th, 2007 at 3:33 pm

Just a note from the Peanut Gallery…

As long as you have your receipt they have no right to hold you hostage at the door. What it means is they do not trust their employees to do their job. It’s there problem not yours. Walk out.

In California it is my understanding they can not hold you. I had the same type of problem with Fry’s out had with Sam’s. One morning I was listening to Handel on the Law (KFI640AM in LA,) and Bill explained to a caller as long as they had a receipt the store could not hold you hostage at the door. So from that moment on… I walked. Should security hold you, or attempt to hold you– use that little cell phone you’ve got and call the cops, hire a nice lawyer and get your golden opportunity to own a piece of Sam’s Club (or any other retailer) that attempts to illegally detain you.

You know… I need to make a blog posting on this…

I personally love the idea of making an alternate department ring me out. When at WalMart, I always go to electronics and make them ring me out– their lines are always the shortest!

Mary Lu

The *Angriest* Pharmacist � Blog Archive » People are retarded… says January 11th, 2008 at 12:23 am

[...] If you want to read another hilarious story about Sam’s Club accusing me of stealing, check out this story — it’s absolutely [...]

Erin says January 11th, 2008 at 8:58 am

Followed the link to this one today - just replying to the other posters! Check out the agreement you signed when you got your Costco card/Sam’s club card. In that agreement, you signed away your right to your personal property. Costco/Sam’s is allowed to search your purse, your person, and your cart while you are on their property. Why, you ask? Because you signed on the dotted line to let them. Read things you sign, folks! :) In most other places the receipt check is totally voluntary, but I know that for those two places, you already agreed to them by signing up for their card…which is why I refuse to get a Costco card. Easier to brave the scaries at Walmart and Target!

The Ole' Apothecary says January 11th, 2008 at 10:10 am

“You, Sam’s Club customer, are receiving a privately funded entitlement from Sam’s, Inc., akin to Medicaid, because of our deep-discounted prices. You shall conform to our pig-fucking security rules, or pay higher prices at Circuit City. Moreover, after you are given final clearance to leave the premises, you shall genuflect in the parking lot and thank Almighty Sam for the privilege of making subsidized purchases in our empire.”

As Gen. Schwarzkopf said, “BOVINE SCATOLOGY!” If it were I, I would call the district Sam’s Gestapo officer about this, then vote with my feet (as a I said months ago), and never shop there again. It’s simple. If they want to treat their customers like scum, they deserve the economic consequences. This isn’t the same as employee theft in today’s post. This is you being an honest patron of a business, with proof of payment in hand.

TheAngriestPharmacist says January 11th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Dang it Erin, you rained on my parade…

I didn’t know - I’ve got the card through my Old Man’s job…he signed for me…:-(

I’m still going to be a dick when I go through there…hahaha!

alberta says January 14th, 2008 at 7:50 pm

this is why they run the highlighter over the receipt….Some folks will hold onto the receipt, go back into the store and “pick up” the exact same items and walk right out. They have the receipt, right, you don’t got me security dude! But, if you let the old dude run his almighty highlighter over it, it’s more to prevent this type of theft than to actually check what was rung through, get it???

TheAngriestPharmacist says January 15th, 2008 at 12:27 pm

Sorry Alberta. While that is a quick assumption to make, it is completely erroneous. The receipts are all timed and dated. If you have items and it’s been more than a minute or two, then it’s reasonable to think you had the opportunity to go back into the store and grab something. Regardless, at Sams, the exit is completely blocked by the registers. If you get to the exit, you had to maneuver around the register somehow…I think…

Regardless - the point is somewhat invalid due to the timestamp…

Theresa Marksburg says January 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

That is the price you pay, so to speak, for the cheap prices they charge. Low overhead, low staffing, and very low loses due to theft make for a pain in the neck shopping experience.