I-Pledge — what a bunch of I-Bullshit

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Me being a dick, Stupid People, Work Sucks

I hate the I-Pledge program. And…guess what! I (of course) have a remedy for it. I know how to end all the problems…Hold on tight kiddies, here we go:

Accutane (Isotretinoin) is a wonderful drug. It will kick acne’s ass like a bully at a bowling alley. What’s the problem, then? Well, it causes babies to be born with a head the size of a basketball.

Accutane Baby

I found the following on a random site and found it most humorous:

The stated defects include deformed eyes, nose, ear or absent ears, enlarged head, small chin and retardation. And just to cover all the bases, they have a catch-all defects category including “brain, heart, glands, and nervous system,” which, combined with the known effects on circulation, bones and muscles… means it is safe to say there isn’t a single thing which can go wrong with your body that isn’t associated with Accutane, except maybe a bad case of acne.

So, we require the person taking Accutane to be on birth control. We also strongly suggest that they use a second form of birth control like condoms, diaphragms, jellies, etc. Yet, we still have the problem of basketball-head babies. Why is that? Well, these teenage wenches get rid of their acne! What’s that do? It gives them shit tons of self confidence that they didn’t have before. So, they go out and jump on the first boy they find and end up preggo because they can’t handle being beautiful AND taking one pill-a-day.

So, to insure that we have no more basketball-head babies (hydroencephaly or something like that) we started the I-pledge program. It’s dumb. It requires the pharmacist to do more work than necessary as well as the MD. We make sure the bitch is on oral contraceptives, educated on what happens if she does the nasty and gets preggo, and has two negative pregnancy tests. This will all grant her a number. This number has to be put in a computer. All the computers link up and shit. Then I get to write the number on a sticker and put that sticker on the bag to make extra sure that this dumb 15-year old pizza face won’t birth another basketball-head. CROCK. OF. SHIT.

How do we solve all this bull shit? Point blank.

DO NOT ALLOW ACCUTANE TO BE PRESCRIBED TO FEMALES.

Sorry girls. XX ain’t doing you any good today. Homeboys only.

No girls getting this — No more basketball-head babies. Problem solved.

Will we ever do that? No.

We’d rather have a few dozen basketball-heads to deal with and clear complexions rather than ZERO basketball-heads and pimple-faced-teenagers running the streets.

Bogus.

UPDATE: Drug Nazi seems to have the same problem I do with Accutane.

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McRPh says July 16th, 2007 at 7:35 pm

What really sucks is that we have to jump through those same ridiculous hoops for male patients too. . As if we have all kinds of free time in our little pill box!

TheAngriestPharmacist says July 16th, 2007 at 8:01 pm

Good point! Why are we doing this for boys? The drug isn’t going to cause problems in them…except for the occasional suicidal ideation…;-)

Ari says July 25th, 2007 at 10:01 am

Even when you do everything right, ipledge is still a load of crap. My pharmacist had me switch from Clavaris to Sotret. Big mistake! While I was able to easily get Clavaris, no pharmacy in my area stocks Sotret. I went to my normal pharmacy, who said they could order it next day. Next day, they said the medicine still hadn’t arrived.

The day after that, they told me their distribution center didn’t stock it. I took the script to another pharmacy, who said they could order it. Since it was a Saturday, it would take until Monday for it to come in. I told them my authorization expires Sunday night and they said it would not be a problem because the order was put in Saturday morning. Guess what, they didn’t enter the info properly and the medicine came, but the authorization expired. iplege won’t make an exception for cases where the drug has to be ordered. My doctor can’t write a new script, so I’ll be without for a month.

I’ve done well on Accutane, but with these stupid rules, I’m not sure I want to continue on this drug.

samia says July 31st, 2007 at 10:38 pm

the iPledge program is neurotic. i bounced from pharmacy to pharmacy to pharmacy trying to find which one stocked it, which one was in the iPledge program so that they could even give the stuff to me, and all that shibingbang. i hate the loose, clear-complexioned whores who have made iPledge possible. f-ck you. oh wait — you’ve already done that.

TheAngriestPharmacist says August 1st, 2007 at 12:46 am

Hilarious…

The wonderful ass says September 22nd, 2007 at 3:31 am

Okay, in your own little world that accutane can only be perscribed to males, what about the chance of the birth defects going through the spearm? iPLEDGE also has to give out the cards to them and speak to them about safe sex. It just shouldnt be available, now if you want to talk about a drug, talk about Thalomid. What a pain that is!

TheAngriestPharmacist says September 22nd, 2007 at 6:28 pm

I think that is the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard. That’s kinda like the guy binging on peanuts then splooging inside his girl and sending her in to anaphylactic shock because of her allergy (also disproven, btw).

Here’s the Kinetics of Isotretinoin from Clinical Pharmacology - it doesn’t mention man-juice as a pathway of elimination.

Pharmacokinetics: Absorption of isotretinoin following an oral dose is incomplete. Bioavailability can be enhanced through administration with food or milk; however, foods high in cholesterol or fat should be avoided to reduce the risk of developing hypertriglyceridemia (see Adverse Reactions). Peak plasma concentrations are attained within 3 hours. Distribution has not been fully characterized. Unlike vitamin A, however, isotretinoin does not accumulate in the liver. It is unknown whether isotretinoin crosses the placenta or is excreted into breast milk (see Contraindications). The drug is 99.9% bound to plasma proteins.

Isotretinoin is metabolized in the liver primarily via oxidation to 4-oxo-isotretinoin. It is unknown whether this metabolite has pharmacologic activity. The half-life of isotretinoin is about 10—20 hours. The metabolites are eliminated via renal pathways, while unchanged drug and metabolites appear to be excreted in the feces through biliary elimination.

newpharmd says September 28th, 2008 at 3:12 pm

Actually small amounts of accutane is found in spearm. However they have done large studies and found that this tiny amount doesn’t cause birth defects.

iluvgreenaliens says October 30th, 2008 at 11:42 am

If a boy were on Accutane, isn’t it in their system and if they have sex and get a girl pregnant, then won’t there be issues there too??

iluvgreenaliens says October 30th, 2008 at 11:45 am

Ok, so i read the above comments AFTER i commented. ;)
Now here is my new take on it.
DON’T GET PREGO! If you’re really that stupid to go out there KNOWING what could happen, then don’t be a dumb idiot and get yourself pregnant. It’s just plain stupid. If you want a clear face and since Accutane IS available, then take ALL precautions so you don’t make a basketball alien head baby! It’s selfish of you.