More Trials and Tribulations…A New Analogy!

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Drug Companies, Me being a dick, Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

Today I received three calls that went pretty much as follows:

“I’ve got this Elidel cream that expired in May 2007. Can I still use it?”

Ugh…I always tell people that yes they can use it, but it of course will not be effective. Listen up, people. Expiration dates are not merely suggestions…Do you feel the urge to drink milk that is “just a few days past the expiration date” ????? Of course not…idiots.

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Why do I get 50 calls a day asking me, “How much is 30 Effexor XR 150mg?” or some other random drug? Yet, I never see these magical cash patients come in…I know, some of you might say I’m getting shopped by other pharmacies. But, I never call other pharmacies for prices. I figure out what the correct price is based on my cost, and that is what I tell people. If they tell me that Walgreens or someone is selling it for $XX.XX, and it is within reason, I just switch it. Also, I know how most Wag’s operate, they don’t have time to be shopping prices. I also know how they charge…it is insane…they charge more than double what I do for most things. They *don’t* check prices.

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I’m open from 9am - 9pm. I close from 1:30pm - 2:00pm. Why do I fill ten prescriptions from 1:15pm -1:30pm? That’s more than any other 15 minutes of the day! By those numbers, I should be filling 480 scripts a day…That’s not even close to the 200 or so I do…blah! Why 1:15pm — I just don’t FUCKING GET IT! All I want to do is eat a turkey sandwich, and I can’t do it. And I don’t even want to think what would happen if I stayed closed a little bit longer. Imagine me closing at 1:45pm and staying closed until 2:15pm to make sure I get my 30 minute lunch (which I am required by law to get). I’d have 20 people at my drop off window swearing like a drunkin’ George Carlin when I got back…not an option…

I won’t even speak of the 2-15 minute breaks I’m supposed to get that I’ve never gotten in all my years of pharmacy…

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Stop spilling shit in my pharmacy. Lotion is *not* easy to clean up…

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Does anyone have an Teva-Brand or Sandoz-Brand Amlodipine/Benazepril? Anyone notice what the pill says on it? IT FUCKING SAYS LOTREL

Talk about a scam — man, this could really make pharmacy look bad. How do you explain that away if someone notices? I know that the name-brand manufacturers make the generic after the patent runs out for about 6 months until the actual generic manufacturers get their research, patents, and studies done and applications submitted…At least, that’s what I’ve always thought. But DAMN, change the appearance of the freaking capsule…

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If your kid cries, screams, shits, or acts like a terror, kindly remove him from my pharmacy. If I had kids, and they were brave enough to act out in public, I promise you they will be taken to my car, scared shitless, and I will return — leaving them locked in the car with the windows up sans air conditioner as punishment.

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“Why does it take 20 minutes to fill my prescription? Last time it only took you two minutes!”

“Last time you got this filled, you came in at two minutes til closing. I had everything locked up, and I was on my way out the door. Everything was done. I was all caught up. Today, you dropped off your prescription behind 10 other people that also want their prescriptions in two minutes…”

Here’s something I wish people would consider. Ever go to Red Lobster, Applebees, Chili’s, TGI Fridays, or some other steakhouse for dinner? Ever get directly taken to a table, handed a menu, given a drink, ordered, and had your food placed directly in front of you? Fuck no. You wait an hour for a table. You get to the table and are given the menu. Your drink orders are taken and 5-10 mins later you get your drinks and order your meal. Depending on the order and the amount of business, you get your meal in 15-30 minutes. Do you bitch on the amount of time? No! In most cases, you enjoy your drink and talk to your date/friends. (Granted. In some cases, things get screwed up and you say something after you’ve waited forever if your waitress doesn’t notice) THEN, after you finish eating, the waitress clears the plates and offers
you dessert. You wait 5-10 more minutes for that. If you don’t get dessert, you wait a few minutes for your bill. You get out your credit card and set it on the table. Five minutes later, she takes the credit card and charges you. You leave a generous tip.

Total time at the restaurant: 2+ hours

You could’ve had Easy Mac in 10 minutes and for less than 2 bucks. But, you wanted a steak…way to go…

Compare this to my pharmacy. I am steak. I take a little bit of time, but it’s delicious. Plus, you get the joy of looking at me work while waiting. But, it will be correct, cheap, and just as ordered…

You don’t have to tip me. I wouldn’t accept it if you tried. And I’m not feeding you. I’m dishing out complex medications designed to attach themselves to specific receptors located all over your body. What separates what I’m dishing out from poison? Merely the amount I give to you and how much I tell you to take…

Paracelsus says,

“Alle Ding’ sind Gift und nichts ohn’ Gift; allein die Dosis macht, dass ein Ding kein Gift ist.”

Translation:

“All things are poison and nothing is without poison, only the dose permits something not to be poisonous.”

Next time, ask the cook or waitress at Red Lobster about the rash under your tit.

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