Sep
How to lose weight…
Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Lazy People, Stupid People, True Story
Two or three times a week someone comes to the counter with a few over-the-counter “weight lose medicines“ and asks the fateful question, “which one of these is better?” Most pharmacists know the answer, “Both of those suck…in fact, all of them suck.”
I always tell these people the same thing — the weight loss meds sold over the counter are all worthless. They are nothing more than vitamins filled with green tea. If you want to lose weight, you have to modify your lifestyle. Eat healthier, exercise regularly, cut down on sweets. Everyone knows this, but they refuse to accept it. Why is that? Cause we can treat every other fucking disease on the planet, why can’t we make fat people skinny? I can give someone a pill that works on the beta-cells of the pancreas to increase insulin output, why can’t someone take a pill to make them lose weight?
The pessimist in me would say that drug companies don’t want to make fat people skinny. What’s a risk factor for every disease? That’s right, boys and girls, obesity! It’s the same concept as a man’s razor. Bic and Gillette could make a blade that stayed sharp forever, but what’s the point with that if we can bilk 30 bucks a month out of us grizzled guys?
I know Alli works, and I suggest it to the people holding a McDonald’s cup while they ask about the diet pills. After outlining the sludgy fart side affect, most people decide to just stay fat than modify their diet.
I started practicing what I preach, recently. I am 6′3″ and I weight in between 235 and 240. I wasn’t fat, but you could see I had an extra chin and some meat on my bones. I quit drinking soda. There goes about 900 calories (4 sodas on average) a day! At 900 cal x 30 days = 27,000 cal/month = 7-8 lbs! Just by doing that I could lose 8 lbs. Wow! So, I switch to water. My body is hydrated and burns calories dealing with that water. More calories burned! I also stopped eating sweets. I still have some candy now and then but not daily like in the past. I even started doing a little exercise…Not a lot — let’s not get crazy! I walk/jog a few days a week. Not very far either…just around the neighborhood.
The Tally as of now? I’m at 215. That’s a weight loss of 25 pounds in around 2 months. That’s a little fast I know (1-2 lbs of loss/month is suggested), but the with the sudden lifestyle modifications I made, the weight melted off.
If people would only listen to my fat normal-sized ass.

My wife’s been on me to switch from Coca-Cola to Coke Zero or Diet Coke. I made the switch several years ago and dropped 15 pounds in two months. But regular Coke tastes so much better, so I switched back. Those pounds have found their way back to me.
Now I have motivation to lose the weight again. If the Angriest Pharmacist can do it, so can the Pharmacy God.
Totally agree about the weight loss products. We had a rep that came by pushing the Alli - she said “It’s so good I’m taking it myself!” She came back in a couple of months, and after some small talk, she told me she had had a “blowout” while giving a presentation to a group of doctors! Talk about retribution!
Like you, I’m 6′3 , and a couple of years ago I was about 240. I was also drinking 4 to 6 bottles of 16oz Mountain Dew a day. Stopped the Dew, and within 6 months, I was down to 190. Back on Diet Dew now though, but still 190!
Good for you! I’m guessing that your age played a factor in the quick lbs drop also, as I have found it was ‘easier’ in my 30’s than it is now in my ?0’s!
I had a stroke last year, and I have been more concerned with my health than my weight (5′4″ 170). I hated to start taking medicine, but that and BIW workouts with my trainer (eye-candy!) the BP is 110ish/70ish and the cholesterol dropped 100 points to 165.
Just wanted to correct you from the end of your post…
“That’s a little fast I know (1-2 lbs of loss/month is suggested), but the with the sudden lifestyle modifications I made, the weight melted off. ”
It’s usually that you’ll lose 3-4 lbs the first week, then 1-2 lbs after that; so anywhere from 6-10 lbs in the first month - not 1-2.
I agree with all you said. Some people do need pharmaceutical help, but they would get those scripts from their doctors. Of course, with all of it, you still have to exercise and modify your diet. It’s like anything though, like Prozac (etc.) is good for depression to kick-start you, but if you don’t go to a psychologist and talk about what’s bugging you, you’ll be on it forever and still be unhappy!
Thanks for the great blog…keep it up! (And on a side note, I read your blog along with the angry pharmacist, and you really are nothing alike, other than you both bitch about the pharmacy world.
You’re right - that’s a typo - I heard 1-2 lbs per week. Thanks for pointing it out…
Congrats on the weight loss. In response to Alli, I cannot believe people actually are buying it. I took Xenical for 2 days and the minute I had anal leakage and had to run out of a lecture for school, that was it. It took almost a week for the leakage to stop and it was stinky and gross. I’d rather just eat better and exercise than to take a pill that will make me wonder if I counted my fat grams accurately. Ass blowout is not cool
Congrats on the loss! I concur with Amanda on the Xenical. I took ONE capsule. The stinkiest anal leakage for days. Ugh. I tell everyone who asks about Alli to stay away. And I am obese. If there were a magic pill, Bill Gates would not be the richest man in America and I would not be fat! I just don’t have the willpower yet to get off my lazy ass and fix this!
But seriously, keep up the heathier you!
So now you know what to do with all those wads of cotton that you pull out of stock bottles…
Your wholesaler even sells pound rolls of the stuff if you don’t have enough stock bottles, or if they’ve got that fake fiberglass crap in them instead of honest-to-$DEITY cotton. It ain’t cheap, though.
Dude…gross…
Funny…but gross…
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