I screwed with people all day long…

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Me being a dick, True Story

I was in a “fuck with people” mood today, so I did what comes natural — I played with people’s minds. It’s really fun! You can do it without any potential long term repercussions. In fact, if you do it right, you can achieve your goal without people even knowing, and you can have a good laugh at the same time. Here’s how:

Buy a high dollar laser pointer. Don’t give me any of that bullshit “you could point it in someone’s eye and make them blind” song and dance. If you do that, it adds to the humor (or humour for some of my readers). You can get them on Ebay. The best ones are made for the primary use of showing people constellations. They are so fucking bright, they reflect off the lower parts of the atmosphere so you can outline/circle stars/constellations. They also leave very little “stream” - meaning they don’t shine on the particles in a non-hazy environment. They only make a dot on your prey — in a bar, well, that’s another story.

They aren’t cheap though. The really good ones are 80-100 bucks. What’s the benefit over the 10 dollar one at Spencer’s Gifts? Well, aside from the ego-bump of being able to blow 80 bucks on a toy, you can fuck with people at IMMENSE distances. Imagine standing at one end of a mall and spotlighting someone at the other end of the adjacent wing. DELIGHTFUL.

The best thing that happened today was a crotch shot. A guy was scoping out bandaids. I shined it right on his happy spot. His girlfriend noticed the spot. She didn’t turn around and see me standing there giggling like a school girl. She tried to wipe the green spot off. In doing so, she hit him a little hard in the pills and drove him to his knees. I almost lost my shit I was laughing so hard. My tech also got a pretty good chuckle.

The moral of the story — if you are ever in a pharmacy and notice a green dot on your person (or more likely your weiner) come to the pharmacy and introduce yourself to me. It’s unlikely any other pharmacist in the country would display such a level of unprofessionalism…:-)

NOTE: If you use one of these in a bar, you will get your ass kicked and subsequently kicked out. It’s so smokey in most bars, your position will be given away in a matter of seconds of turning the light on. The stream bounces off all of the smoke and can be followed directly back to your shit-stirring hands. Prepare to be incarcerated…

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