The *Angriest* Pharmacist You want your prescription filled when? Eat shit…

How to not be a dick in traffic

Alright, so I booted up Microsoft Paint and drew up a little diagram. The diagram explains one easy way for you find yourself with my foot crammed directly into your colon (via your rectum or mouth -- depending on the cost of the shoes I'm wearing). So, here's a quick rundown...Obviously, I am in car RAMROD and stopped at the stoplight. Another innocent motorist, stopped at the light opposite me, is in car RAMBO. The cars depicted at the top of the image are stopped in heavy traffic. Finally, we have ASSHOLE CAR on "his way to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Lore-uh-cets. He sees the gridlocked traffic, but dammit, he has a green light. He's going! He'll be damned if he's gonna stop at a green light....that don't make no fuckin' sense now do it?"

So, what does ASSHOLE CAR do by going rather than stopping? He blocks my fucking path towards my location -- the liquor store. Granted, sometimes the ASSHOLE may be lucky enough to avoid the ensuing gridlock he will cause if the NEXT block's light changes allowing him to clear the intersection. Sometimes, still yet, if you stop at the line before the intersection (as you should), traffic may thin or move forward and you can go on across with that same green light (This is the right/safe way to do this in traffic!) Most of the time, though, he'll sit in the middle of the intersection like the flaming pile of filthy pig shit he is...wasting everyone's time because he's an impatient cocksucker. In gridlock like this, where ASSHOLE CAR is faced with the decision to wait and let the traffic clear out a bit before entering the intersection, scientists have unequivocally proven that regardless of what is done, YOU WILL NOT GET TO YOUR DESTINATION FASTER BY CHARGING ACROSS THE INTERSECTION.

Now, what does car RAMROD do if ASSHOLE CAR is trapped in the intersection and the light changes allowing him to go? Most folks would sit there, shudder in complete disgust, and wait for the light to change and hope the following motorists aren't some sort of idiot bastard headed to the pharmacy drive-thru. I, on the other hand, take it upon myself to benefit society by teaching this piece of garbage a lesson...so the mistake can be avoided in the future.

I floor it. I may be a mere 30 yards away from this guy, but I'm going to make him think I don't see him. Then, at the last second, I'm going to slam on my brakes...hopefully, the tires will squeal. He'll be looking of course...hopefully realizing is an insignificant asshole. He'll see me and freak-the-fuck out. As I come to a stop, narrowly missing a horrible T-bone accident, I lay on my horn. I lay on my horn as if this fuckwad just swerved out in front of me, and I have a baby in the back seat. The next thing to happen is he'll look me in the eye. He'll know he was wrong. He may at this point realize he's had an example made of him. This is where you teach him a lesson.

You'd be surprised how well the average person can read lips. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" has proven to be easy to read, understand, and learn from for the average pea-sized brain imbecile behind the wheel these days. He may give you the finger...that's the most common reaction of idiotus maximus. I found that brandishing a switchblade is a great comeback to the time-tested reflex middle finger. That'll shut 'em up like a redheaded kid catching a backhand from a drunken stepfather.

The point of the post, though. How do you avoid being a dick in traffic...don't do anything I've talked about in this post except of course the approved retaliation for such an event.