A Complete Guide to Visiting a Pharmacy — For Retards!

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Me being a dick, Stupid People, Update

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This was originally posted on 8-16-07. I have updated and perfected it on 1-6-08. It’s the longest post on www.TheAngriestPharmacist.com at 2,600 words, but it is completely worth it and should be required reading for all people having a prescription filled. Enjoy!

I take for granted how smart I am, how much common sense I’ve acquired over the years, and how much education I was lucky enough to get. So, for those that are not as *gifted* as the pharmacists and technicians which serve them day-in and day-out, I’ve compiled a list of step-by-step tips to live by when entering, interacting, and dealing with the pharmacy area and staff. (Pharmacists - you can print this out in large quantities and use as a bag stuffer if you so choose)
DROP OFF
1. Take your new prescription to the area labeled “drop-off,” not the area labeled “pick-up” or “consultation.” While I know you want to pick it up eventually, or may have a question, it is not yet filled and first must be dropped off. You will be given the opportunity to ask questions at the pickup window. You can also ask at the drop-off window. If the technician cannot answer your question, s/he can then have the pharmacist come over and help. It’s at this point you should discuss any intricacies of your order. If you want easy open caps, brand name only (for whatever reason you’ve dreamt up – generics are just as good, FOOLS!), insurance/tax print outs, or additional literature, this is the point in which to request these things.
2. When approaching the drop off, be prepared to answer a few very simple questions about yourself (or the person for whom the prescription is for). These questions are, but not limited to, name, birthday, address, phone number, drug allergies, and up-to-date insurance (see Addendum E). If you are holding an old bottle that merely needs refilled, you should reference step 15. It can be filled in this manner, but you will have to wait – probably longer than you would like (this may or may not be considered punishment for being inconsiderate). If you had taken 30 seconds to call it in to the pharmacy in advance, you would have saved yourself a lot of trouble and time. You would have also made it easier for the pharmacy staff. If you decide to hand in a bottle at the window for a refill for whatever reason, do not hand the technician tubes of cream or anything that gets “icky” upon extended use.
3. When the technician or pharmacist gives you an estimate for readiness, bear in mind, the estimate is always the lowest time possible. If he tells you fifteen minutes, that’s if everything goes perfectly. Would you be pleased if he told you two hours? No, but it happens occasionally if something goes awry. Your response should merely be acknowledgement. You should never ever say, “That long?” or “Are you serious?” The pharmacy staff is not in the business of making jokes or wisecracks in day-to-day operations. Most take their job very seriously, and remarks like these are never taken well by the staff – they are downright rude. Make no mistake, if they could fill it in five minutes, they would – and sometimes that can happen! Take note that there is no visible clock in any pharmacy…J
4. You do not want to wait for your prescription! I know you need to start it today, but leaving a prescription with intentions to come back in one or two hours will have you less likely waiting in the pharmacy well over the time suggested in step 3. Do not tell the technician you are waiting only to subsequently leave. If you do wait for your prescription and ultimately decide to leave, have the courtesy to tell the staff you are leaving. They can then alter the workflow to better serve the customers waiting in the store. You can wait for your prescription in the seating area or shop around the store. Do NOT wait for your prescription in front of the cash register. Do not wait anywhere where you will be “in the way” – and never badger the pharmacy staff. It will be filled as soon and as safely as possible. When that happens, we’ll let you know!
PICK UP
5. When attempting to pick up a prescription, give your last name until more information is requested. Every pharmacy is different. Every person working every register in every pharmacy is different. There is no reason for you to give every sliver of information you know out to everyone else standing in line. You do not need to present an old bottle should you be picking up a refill. You can throw those away at home. You also do not need to be arbitrarily sharing your private information with everyone else waiting in line! If the cashier asks you to spell your name or give your birthday, please do it slowly. There’s no reason to blurt it out as fast as possible. Speak slowly and clearly. It’s not a race! Next thing – Wait your turn. Patiently wait in the line. Don’t cut. Don’t get upset if it’s busy. Businesses do that from time to time – get a little busy!
PAYMENT
6. After your prescription is rang-out is not the time to present your insurance card. That should have been done in step 2. If you show your card at this time, you will have to wait even longer (depending on the staff’s workload) while the prescription is reprocessed. It could take more time if there is a problem with your insurance that needs to be sorted out with a phone call.
7. Cash or charge, please. Who in the hell still writes checks? Get a debit card if you want to use funds in your bank account.
8. Do not use those damn transfer coupons more than once. They say one per customer. That does not mean one per prescription. It does not mean you can use one from every other pharmacy in the city. In the *Angriest* Pharmacy, these coupons are taken out of my bonus. If every customer uses multiple coupons blatantly against the intentions of the coupon, you are essentially stealing from me. To you, it may not be a big deal – ten bucks. Nevertheless, if every customer takes a few “10 bucks” from me, that’s just not fair. See Addendum D for more clarification.
CONSULTATION
9. When you are asked if you have questions, do not immediately blurt out, “No.” It is not a test. There is no correct answer. Contemplate whether you actually have any questions for your pharmacist – you (or your insurance) just paid for his time. The only stupid question is one that goes unasked.
10. If your medicine is more expensive than you had planned, do not get angry. Do not yell or make a scene. No one in that building had anything to do with the costs of your prescription except, possibly, you. They can’t change it. They can’t give you a coupon. Do not pull out your insurance card again (should you have missed the opportunity in step 2 and passed up your final opportunity in step 6). You can inquire about the cash price ($45 doesn’t sound so damn bad when the medicine would cost $350, does it?). You can call your insurance and ask them if there is an error at home. Finally, your pharmacist could potentially contact your doctor for an alternate drug, which may be cheaper — but your doctor may not wish to do this. In that case, you must call his office and discuss your options with them from your own home.
11. Do not ring up all of your shopping items with your prescription - whether there is a line behind you or not. If you have Band-Aids, that is okay. If you have Band-Aids in addition to 90 other items, that is out of the question. Have some courtesy and utilize the cashiers up front. They are paid to ring you out, whereas the pharmacy is paid to fill prescriptions. Let us all do the job we are paid to do.
12. Thank the cashier or technician ringing you out. If they did not thank you, they could be reprimanded. Wouldn’t you be happier if you were nice?

-=+=- You’ve made it home. What next? -=+=-

13. Take a look at your bottle. Just to be sure, make sure it’s your name on the bottle. Read the drug name and the directions. Nothing should be new to you here. If something doesn’t look or sound right, call the pharmacy and inquire nicely. Read the leaflet should you want any additional information about your medicine. Call the pharmacy where you got the prescription filled with questions – they have all the pieces to the puzzle. You don’t call McDonalds and ask about Burger King’s menu do you? If they cannot or will not answer your questions, call your doctor and find a new pharmacy.
14. Take your medicine exactly as it says on the bottle - unless directed differently by your doctor. Should that be the case, you need to alert your pharmacy of the change as soon as possible. A new prescription should be attained if you are going to continue taking the medicine – the bottle should always say exactly how you are taking the medicine.
15. Should your prescription have refills, be sure you call the prescription in to the pharmacy at least 24 hours in advance. This gives them plenty of time to fill the medicine without being rushed. You don’t need to tell a person you want the refill, you can merely punch the number into the automated system with your touchtone phone then hang up.
16. Should your prescription have no refills, but you are to continue taking it longer term, call the prescription in to the pharmacy at least 72 hours in advance (keeping in mind that doctor’s offices are usually closed on weekends and holidays). That gives the pharmacy time to call the doctor’s office and request the refill. The office can then check your records, make a note of the request, and return the call to the pharmacy with authorization. The pharmacy can then get the prescription ready for you to pick up. Feel free to call the pharmacy and speak with someone before making the trip to pick the medicine up to verify it’s ready. Do not be upset if it’s not ready. The pharmacy will make another call if need be. You can also call your doctor’s office and inquire about the refill. Should you run out and refills were not yet authorized, most pharmacies will give you a three-day supply free of charge to hold you over (except on controlled medications). Those tablets will be subtracted from the prescription once it is authorized. Keep in mind, however, that if you run out, have no refills, and the pharmacy cannot give you a few to hold you over, it is your OWN GOD DAMN FAULT! Take some fucking responsibility in your own health care. Don’t hope to “swing by the pharmacy” on your way to the airport and pickup a refill you didn’t call in that has no refills. Plan in advance, and don’t be a cocksucking asshole.
17. See step 5.

Addendums Not Related to Procedure:
A) Your doctor should talk to you about what medicines you are going to be getting and what they are for. The pharmacist can fill in the blanks and provide in-depth instructions, but you should never get to a pharmacy without knowing at LEAST what drug is on your prescription and how you should take it.
DECORUM
B) Do not yell at your pharmacist. Do not make a scene. Do not talk to him like anything other than your drunken stepfather holding a belt while you just broke something expensive. That is the type of respect s/he should command. Would you tell your physician(s) to, “kiss my fucking ass you dumb Jew?” I don’t think fucking think so.
C) Do not expect the technicians to be able to answer all your questions off the top of their head. Do not expect the pharmacist to be able to answer all of your questions off the top of his/her head. Books are written for a reason. Your doctor has a palm pilot - so do The *Angriest* Pharmacist.
D) Those on government programs (Medicare/Medicaid) cannot use coupons or vouchers…period. Not policy…LAW
E) Throw away old insurance cards when you get new ones. Keep the new ones on you at all time. It will save you and your pharmacist a lot of time and headaches.
F) Do not argue with your pharmacist over matters with which you know nothing. In fact, if your pharmacist is sure, and s/he tells you such, take their word as fact. S/he may be wrong, but do you think you’re going to be able to prove that with an argument over a counter concerning a matter where you have no higher education, training, or knowledge?
G) After making your purchase, do not rip open the package to see what’s inside like a 5-year old at Christmas. Sure, you may take a look at your prescription while you’re at the pharmacy (just not in the line!). Either way, you should know what’s in the bottle. See Addendum A. Keep in mind though, in pharmacy, we are not in the business of making errors and mistakes. We do it right, and we do it right the first time.
H) You may be ill, but please dress like you are going into public and people will see you…and smell you…so shower as well. If I smelled like I washed ass with dirtier asses, I’d get fired.
I) At no point, anywhere in the entire process or procedure are you allowed to use a cell phone. Your lack of attention could cause serious repercussions for yourself and ultimately your pharmacy. You can make all the calls you want the other 23.5 hours you have in your day in which you are not at the pharmacy.
J) Transfers are a whole new ballgame. The suggestion I offer my friends and family is to just get a new handwritten prescription from your doctor or have the office call you in a new prescription at a new pharmacy if you are going to be on the medicine long-term. Transfers take much longer because it requires perfect timing between two equally busy pharmacists to exchange a lot of information in a short amount of time without interruptions. For this, you CAN drop of the other pharmacy’s bottle. Alternatively, you can call the new pharmacy and give them all the information off the bottle. Your best bet on these is to never plan to get a transfer in less than an hour. This isn’t across the board, but it’s pretty universal in my book.

Above all else, remember this: Pharmacists are there for you because we want to help (or the ones that don’t give a shit cared at one time). Read that again. We want to help you. You must play an active, pleasant, beneficial role, however. You must want to help yourself. Keep in mind though, that if you are a problem customer, we don’t have to help you. In almost every state, pharmacists are not required to fill a prescription if they don’t want to. In some states (like mine for instance), I don’t even need a fucking reason. I can just say, “No.” Don’t ever be such a problem that your pharmacist has to just tell you to get the fuck out because you’re an asshole. Just be nice, and you can benefit with great pharmaceutical care, I can do my job, share my expertise, and we can create a relationship where we will both benefit.

Primary Author:
The *Angriest* Pharmacist (Webmaster@TheAngriestPharmacist.com)Supplemental Contributors:
GreenSunFlower (http://greensunflower.blogspot.com)
“Matt”
“Andi”
KnitALot3
IAPharmr
Pharmacy Mike (http://pharmacymike.blogspot.com)
“Katie”
Cathy Lane
Jameed (http://jameed.net)
StressedOutPharmacist
Shalom
IfIHadANickelForEveryTime…