Movie annoyance, speech impediments, and pacifiers

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Disgusting, Insurance Companies, Lazy People, Me being a dick, Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

I’m back! I’ve been a little under the weather, very busy, and overall lazy lately. I’ve gotten somewhat addicted to a new flash game called ONSLAUGHT. Anyway, the first thing I wanted to bitch about was something that really pissed me off at a movie I went to recently. We’ve all been irritated by a crying baby (for fucks sake), a cell phone ringing (or a fucking asshole that answers a call, “I can’t talk, I’m in a movie!”), or some punk ass 14 year olds that won’t shut the hell up or keep their grubby ass hands off of their neighbor’s new trainer bra.

I found a new thing that irritated me today…a blinking light. Some hotshot sat in front of me - and he wanted all of us to know he had a bluetooth headset. He left it on — I guess in case someone gave him a call during the movie — and a little blue light blinked every 5 fucking seconds the entire movie. I handled the problem as maturely as I know how, I began by throwing popcorn at him repeatedly…every time in blinked. That didn’t seem to work and he chalked it up to some Emo faggots sitting behind me. I think upgraded my arsenal to Jujyfruits. By the time he realized it was me, I’d wasted too much Jujyfruit goodness to warrant a continued assault. Finally, I brought out the cannons. I began kicking his chair. Sure, I could’ve asked him to turn it off, but then I can’t be a complete dick. So, after I kicked his chair about 5 times he turned around and asked me in a real pissed off tone (rightfully so), “What’s the problem here?” — “Ohh, sorry. I keep seeing a blinking light from the corner of my eye and it keeps startling me. It’s a knee jerk reaction.”

My response got the action I wanted. It also made the emo faggots chuckle in emo faggot delight. Good for them. Maybe they won’t cut themselves tonight.

-=+=-

I’ve never called an insurance company and spoke with a “customer care representative” with a legitimate speech impediment before. Sure, I’ve talked with Indians, Brits, Ebonics-speakers, and flat out idiots, but I’ve never called and gotten someone that was 100% unintelligible. I politely asked for her to repeat hersself 5 times before I got pissed off. I didn’t realize it was a speech impediment at first - I thought the person just had a real shit-ass attitude and was giving me her “hoe-hum-I-don’t-want-to-be-here-so-fuck-you-and-the-world” voice. I couldn’t understand a damn thing.

“What’s your NPI and name” sounded like “Where are pirates drinking cum?”

“What’s the RX number and fill date” sounded like “Do you like gays that eat cake?”

“How can I help you today” sounded like “Man, you need a fucking lay.”
Now you can see why I handled the problem professionally by merely hanging up and calling back. I got someone different the next call, thankfully.

Get a clue insurance companies - speech impediments and jobs that require 100% conversation and communication should not be left to the cleft of mouth.

Or perhaps everything is going directly to plan for them. I hung up - maybe I won’t call back next time and just force the patient to pay cash. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why the cards they give out lack any applicable information used in billing.

-=+=-

Finally, pacifiers - foofoos - binkies - dummy - comforter - whatthefuckever. Fine for babies. Once a child is mobile (i.e. it can crawl or walk or move under its own power) those things need to hit the bricks. That’s my rule.

Of course, the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry says you don’t have to worry about removing them from the child’s pie-hole until the permanent teeth begin coming in. The Brits, however, say to avoid using them altogether and discouraging thumbsucking at all costs because it eventually causes problems with how the teeth grow and develop. They ultimately cause the child to need oral braces.

Today, I saw a child sucking on one of these fucking things that was much too old to have their face covered with a pacifier. The kid was about 6. Maybe no permanent teeth…but definitely old enough to know that these things were for babies. Too big to be placed in the seat of a shopping card.

Absolutely ridiculous. Sure, you can’t control your kid. Sure, you can’t keep your kid appeased or keep its mouth closed (and therefore quiet and not screaming). So, you take the easy way out and stick a RUBBER TIT in its mouth. Wow.

My kids will grow up wondering what the fuck those things are for - that’s a promise.

Happy filling…