The *Angriest* Pharmacist You want your prescription filled when? Eat shit…

Request from 2008 Graduate

Posted on February 16, 2008

I got a request from Chris, a soon-to-be graduate of the University of Colorado-Denver School of Pharmacy.

Just an idea for a post. Seeing as how 4th year students are starting to get job offers rolling in by now, How about some advice for a graduate of the class of 2008.

First and foremost, you and your classmates need to read every post I've ever written. I'd also suggest reading Pharmacy Mike, The Angry Pharmacist, Pharmacy God, Jim Plagakis, and The Ole Apothecary if you get time.

Secondly, have a sense of pride in what you do and don't take shit from customers (or patients, whateveryouwannacallthem). And, don't ever let someone from upper management try and give you the MBA spin (where you state a problem, question, or discrepency, and they talk and talk and talk and reiterate and reiterate and reiterate until you actually almost believe the bullshit they just put on your plate and served you). I counter the MBA spin by having the said "manager" write down their points. Then, I take them home in a non-hostile and hectic environment and completely tear them to shreads. They fall apart on their own when the phone isn't ringing, someone isn't at the dropoff, some bitch isn't screaming at pickup, and you don't have 50 in the fill queue.

Third -- you're going to have a lot of money. People are going to want it -- all of it. They are going to want it for nothing, i.e. donations. Don't give it away to everyone. Pick the charities you want, you respect, and you want to help, then budget your donations. When the people come begging, tell them, "I'm sorry. I budget my donations for the entire year on January 1st. If you'd like me to consider your cause for next year, please mail your information to my home, and I will do so."

Point 4 -- Don't give change to beggers. SouthPark was right. Beggers feed on change. If you give it to them, they will multiply and only want more. They only want it for a fifth of Wild Irish Rose anyway. You budget your donations anyway, right?

Point 5 -- Don't run out and buy a new car. Get settled. You don't need a status symbol. Your beater has got you by long enough. Rock that bitch 'til the wheels fall off. Then, go buy a nice, modest, new ride. You don't need a Hummer. You don't need it on June 1 either. Get some capital and cash flow first. Get a solid budget settled first before you start rackin' up the new bills.

Point 6 -- Prenuptials are a good idea. The divorce rate is astronomical (like 50%). Of course, this doesn't matter if you are marrying another pharmacist or someone more wealthy than yourself. You're not going to get taken to the cleaners if you both have money. And, don't delude yourself with that "my marriage is forever" bullshit. Only my marriage was forever -- your marriage is up in the air.

Point 7 -- Don't be a pussy. Do not allow yourself to become that pharmacist that is afraid the Board of Pharmacy is always standing behind you waiting to SNATCH UP your license if you make an educated decision. You do not need to call and ask if you can change Lisinopril 40mg to 2 Lisinopril 20mg tablets. It's the same fucking thing and the doctor thinks less of all of us if you are a bitch. If you honestly don't know, call. If you know you are wasting you're time - don't. You are only going to piss off your patients and worst of all, your techs!

Point 8 -- Treat your techs like GOLD. They are actually worth more.

Point 9 -- Teach your interns something. They aren't just there for your bitch work. Don't work them as merely techs. If they are there as an employee, that's one thing, but if they are there on Experiential stuff, come up with something educational for them...a task of sorts. You can do it. They'll enjoy it in the long run.

Point 10 -- Don't let someone BITCH you into changing your mind. If you tell someone something concerning your professional decision making skill and subsequently change your mind, you are a fucking idiot. Your judgement will be questioned every single time for the rest of your life -- and you'll start to question yourself. If you said you aren't fucking filling it early, don't fucking fill it early. Don't fucking do it!

Point 11 -- Swear. Sure, it's uneducated. Gross. Unecessary (sometimes). And occasionally, flat out disrespectful. But, doesn't it get the meaning across? Which of the following sentences evokes more meaning:

Please leave the premises of my pharmacy. You are a narcotic-seeking person

or

Get the fuck out of my pharmacy you piece of shit Vicodin-seeking asshole!

I consider this point made.

Point 12 -- Drink. Alcohol makes the pain go away...you learned that in pharmacy school, and it is no less true once you enter the professional world. However, don't drink on the job...it's probably a bad idea.

Point 13 -- Play a radio in the pharmacy. Music makes everyone work harder, faster, and more efficiently. It's also good to rock out when a kickass song comes on the radio.

Point 14 -- Make fun of everyone (yourself included). Keeping your sanity involves laughing at those that are different and less fortunate than yourself. Sure, you could go point a finger in their face than laugh. I find that within the safety of the pharmacy is plenty for me. Focus on the ugly - they deserve it more than us beautiful people.

I've really loved writing this and laughed my ass off whilst doing it. Pharmacists -- please add to this list in the comments field. I'll add more as the days go on as well, so check back!