The *Angriest* Pharmacist You want your prescription filled when? Eat shit…

My turn…

Just about everybody has taken their shot at "Why does my prescription take so long to fill?" Now, I will end this argument once and for all. For starters, here is the short version: "IF YOU WANT M&M's, BY ALL MEANS - GTFO! KTHX"

Now, I really like PharmacyTales Version (WHERE DID YOU GO, PT?), but the problem with it is that it is much too wordy. A visitor to the normal, American pharmacy would see that, scream TL;DR and run away screaming. The American public wants lists and pictures. I will now provide the perfect document to give to patients explaining WHY THEIR PRESCRIPTION TAKES SO DAMN LONG TO FILL!

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Dear Pharmacy Visitor,
Recently, we've noticed an increase in prescription wait time due to many factors. To ensure all our patients have full knowledge of our policies and procedures, we've developed this list-type document so that each and every person knows the time and effort put into every prescription.

Prescription Filling Process: 
Drop-off of Prescription(s) by Patient [Usually 1 to 15 New Rx's or Refills]
New Patient Addition (OR Existing Patient Information Verification)
New Insurance Addition
Scanning of New Prescription (In some of our locations)
Input of Prescription into Computer System
Pharmacist Verification of Typed Prescription
Computer-Based Drug Utilization Review (DUR)
Pharmacist Acknowledgement, Review and Resolution of DUR Issues
     - These range from wrong/missing drug, dose, route, quantity, to drug interactions, poor doctor handwriting, unsigned prescriptions, and early/late refills.
Billing and Insurance Adjudication via Online Processes
Resolution of Various Insurance Issues (or Lack Thereof) via Phone Call to Insurance
Resolution of Other Ins. Issues via Phone Call to Doctor's Office for Info/Change
Selection of Correct Drug/Dose from Shelf
Counting of Correct Quantity
Placement in Bottle/Labelling
Pharmacist Verification of Tablet Dispensed to Original Rx
Printing of Supplemental Patient Drug Information
Bagging of Prescription(s) With Correct Pamphlets
Cashier Verification of Correct Patient
Ringing of Prescription/Additional Store Items
Correction of "Patient Issues" with Billing Amount
Patient Signing for Insurance Payment/HIPAA Policy
Patient Payment for Rx/Other Items
Pharmacist-Patient Private Consultation

Other Pharmacy Related Tasks -- Not *Directly* Related to Your Prescription:
All of the Above Steps for the Person(s) in Front of You in Line
Numbering/Sorting of Older Prescriptions for our Filing System
Shelving of Incoming Drug Orders/Stock Replenishment
Stocking/Straightening of OTC Drug Shelves
Calling of Drs. for Rx Refills for Other Patients [as a Courtesy]
Calling of Drs. for Order Clarification/Prior Authorizations/Etc
Answering of Patient OTC Drug Questions
Answering of Assorted Store-Related Questions
Answering of Phone Calls Concerning ANY Issues
Taking Refill Requests from Pts Refusing to Use Computer-Automated Refill
Taking of NEW Prescriptions from Doctor's Offices
Ringing out of Items Not Related to Rx Sales
Ringing out/Logging of Pseudoephedrine Sales
Printing Rx History Forms for Patients for Tax Purposes
Cleaning of Pharmacy Area
LUNCH - We get one just like you!
Bathroom Breaks - We gotta go sometimes, too!

If you think you can help us optimize any of these steps, feel free to give our toll-free number a call at 1-888-ANG-REST.

Sincerely,

Your Phriendly Pharmacist