The *Angriest* Pharmacist You want your prescription filled when? Eat shit…

Stupid Voicemail

I've never really bitched about this much, but the quality of the voicemails I receive has deteriorated to a point that I cannot take it anymore. I'm tempted to shut my VM system off and require all practicioner's offices speak with a pharmacist. I have the powah! I can do it...

I've got a pretty good system installed. I can replay or even fast forward or rewind a second by pressing a button (many seconds if hit repeatedly). But, when nurses are calling in these fucking scripts as one long word, it doesn't matter. Worst of all, no one spells anymore - Not patient names, not doctor names, nothing.

Case in point: Nurse today called in an Rx that sounded like this (read as fast as possible and slur the words together) -- "Hey this is Ann calling from doctor Badduda first name Mowaffaq prescription is for Shalonda Teddleston date of birth 5-5-75 for Lortab 7.5 #15 taken 1 BID prn pain office call back number is 555-6969."

Here's what is wrong with this voicemail:
1. She works for a foreign doctor. You have GOT to spell those names. I could care less where they are from, but I'm not familiar with spelling of their names. If it were John Smith, I'm cool with it. It's not. Spell the fucking name.
2. Patient's name could be spelled multiple ways. Is the last name spelled with T's or D's -- they sound the same in a crappily left message.
3. Birthday of May 5th? FIVE FIVE sounds like NINE NINE. Make sure you are audible!
4. Lortab was mumbled. I misheard it. I originally wrote down FORTAZ. Of course, once I reread it, it didn't make sense. So, I read between the lines. (Fortaz is an injectable antibiotic and wouldn't be given prn and it's a 1g+ dose -- not 7.5mg).
5. In a fast, mumbled message, BID can sound like TID. How much fucking more time does it take to say twice a day or every 12 hours?
6. Office number is always given so fast it's pretty much inaudible. You know it by heart, I don't. Would you fucking slow down?

As you can see, the voicemail system has given me 6 opportunities to screw something up in a 15 second voicemail. If the voicemail had been 30 seconds and the bitch had slowed down a bit, there would have been no problems on my end and no gripes.

There's just no rationalization these fucking LPNs and RNs can give that makes this ok. It's unsafe. They sound more retarded than they actually are, and they are putting our 'healthcare team' at risk for making a dangerous mistake...all because they don't have an extra 15-20 seconds to speak slower. Way to go, bitches.

Now, the fun goes both ways. I've been known to leave a fast voicemail in my day -- mostly in response to this kind of bullshit. Next time I have a refill request for this bitch, I'm gonna talk as fast as possible. She won't get it. She won't put one and one together (well, if she does, she'll get eight).

Most of my calling has been converted to faxing. I'm pushing to move ALL of it there....because of this bullshit.

I'll probably call her tomorrow and explain the situation to her...slowly. See if maybe I can reason with her. It won't work, but maybe, just maybe, the hamster wheel in her head will turn a few times and she can spare 15 seconds for me.

-=+=-

Here's a fun game I like to play. Some nurses call in and "want to talk to the pharmacist" to phone in a prescription. When I get fast talked, and I'm actually TALKING to the asshole --err-- nurse, I always take my time. I write as slow as possible. I repeat everything, maybe even twice. I speak as if I've had a stroke and in a thick southern accent...think Deliverance mixed with Cleveland from Family Guy. I love it when they get frustrated and try to hurry up and get off the phone. "Just to make sure I get everything right, please repeat the prescription back to me again." I end the phone call by saying that they need to slow down a little bit or the patient could be the one that pays for their haste. "Would you rather me fill your child's prescription as fast as possible, or diligent and correctly? Only one can happen. Your haste makes mistakes. If you don't have time to call in a prescription get a fax machine, hire more help, or call them all in at the end of the day when you have time. Your patients will wait, they have no choice, and they will rejoice that you are giving them Toprol rather than Topamax."