5 Warning Signs of PITA Patients

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Blogs I like, GUEST CONTRIBUTOR, Lazy People, Patient Education, Stupid People, Update, Work Sucks

If you ask most pharmacists what the hardest part of their job is, the answers you get from person to person will vary slightly, but more than likely one of their top five answers would be pain in the ass patients. More troubling than the toughest of insurance forms, PITA (Pain In The Ass) patients can cause your day to go from decent to downright terrible in the blink of an eye. So how do you spot them coming? Read the following list of warning signs and prepare for the worst.

“I just need to ask you a quick question.”

When a conversation starts like this, you know it’s not going to be quick, and it’s not going to be one question. Chances are this particular person will waste at least five to ten minutes of your time, all the while second-guessing any answer you give to them. In cases such as this, I recommend you have a magic eight ball ready for their shaking pleasure. It will probably do just as much good, and will more than likely prevent you from shaking them.

“I don’t mean to trouble you, but…”

Really? Then don’t. What people mean when they say this is beyond me, but nine times out of ten, they know they are troubling because they either have ridiculous questions, no one else they can talk to, or they flat out refuse to actually visit a doctor. As pharmacists, we have a wealth of knowledge at our disposal, but that is not a replacement for the diagnosis of a qualified health care professional. Try your best to answer their question quickly and never give more than you absolutely need to.

The patient approaches with a full shopping cart.

This generally happens if you work in a pharmacy within a larger store. People assume that because you have a cash register, you are willing to ring up their ding dongs and soda along with the one item they got from the pharmacy. Can you ring it up? Sure, if you really want to, but maybe slipping in some appetite suppressants wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

The patient wants to “show you something.”

Be extra careful with this one, especially if he or she begins to drop trow in the midst of a crowded line. No, I don’t want to look at the rash on your ass. Describe it to me; maybe I can help you get the proper powder or lotion, but I am far from ready to start staring at pimply hairy asses—nobody gets paid enough to do that (except maybe proctologists).

The patient has no idea what’s really wrong.

This probably is not the case, but their use of the English language is limited to the excessive use of the words “like” and “kinda,” which isn’t really even a word, but that’s beside the point. “Well, like, it’s kinda like I have this weird feeling in my stomach, you know, like not pain, but just weird. You know?” No, I don’t know. I have no clue as to what you’re talking about and you’re wasting my time. Give them something innocuous and recommend that they go waste their doctor’s time. Then, it’s on to the next patient. No, I don’t know where the air filters are, sir.

This post was contributed by Kelly, who writes on the subject of pharmacy school at USPharmD.com. She invites your feedback via comments or at kellykilpatrick24 at gmail dot com.

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