Weirdest Fake Scripts EVER

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Doctors, Drug Seekers, Me being a dick, Polls, Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

As you might have noticed, there’s been a new poll up for the last few days. It replaced the PRESIDENCY POLL — which makes me think that The Angry Pharmacist and I should throw our hats in the 2008 Presidential election for the Libertarian Party. I’m sure we’d do a little better than Bob Barr and his Pedo Smile and creepy mustache. The final tally on the presidential poll was 41% (75 Votes) Obama/Biden - 33% (61 Votes) Angry/Angriest — 26% (48 votes) McCain/Palin. I think the Democratic swing on the side is due to the high salaries of readers — mostly pharmacists. Any more analysis than that, we’ll leave to the DrugMonkey.

So, the poll was over Fake Scripts — either phoned in and caught or brought in and easily identified. We’ve all seen a #20 from an ER Doc magically turning into #200. As if that’s not easy to bust. We’ve seen script pads stolen. I’ve even seen a crack head bring in a fake Rx for Vicodeen (spelled like that) on a Wendy’s napkin. Most of the time, their busted on nomenclature, getting greedy and writing for an exhorbant quantity, or having problems in the past and getting the old *VERIFY CONTROLS* written as their middle name.

I recently had a very original fake script come in. It was for a duo of people that I’ve had problems with in the past getting early refills, but I did not know they were in cahoots. The first was on my radar for early refills and multiple ER visits. The second was on my radar for early fills and being a bitch when she dropped her vicodin in the toilet, and I refused to give a shit.

NOTE: THESE PATIENT NAMES AND DOCTOR NAMES ARE MADE UP. The real patient and doctor names made sense — they were real people, in the computer, and the doctor was one that the patients had each seen before. Hence why I was able to call the doctor’s office to verify the scripts — I can’t believe I have to explain that…retards have learned how to use the internet apparently.

The first script came in on the voicemail at around 10am:
Missy Elliott (DOB 7-1-71)
Metronidazole 500mg po BID x7d #qs
Vagifem 25mcg 1 PV hs #36
Dr. Kobe Bryant (555-1234) [Roberta on Voicemail]

While this didn’t immediately set off any alarms, I thought the Vagifem quantity was a little high. I looked up the dosing and saw that it was once daily for 2 weeks then one bi-weekly. So, that is a 90 day supply. Her insurance paid adjudicated, so I didn’t really care.

The second script came in on the voicemail at around 11am:
Vanessa Hudgens (DOB 12-14-88)
Metronidazole 750mg po daily for 21 days.
Dr. Kobe Bryant (555-1234) [Roberta on Voicemail]

That one didn’t really set off the alarm, but I did call to confirm. I’d never seen oral Metronidazole used like that for such a long period of time. Ten days is usually sufficient. Some bugs require TID dosing of the 750mg tabs, but 21 days? I decided to call and have them double check with the doc. I had no intentions of caring about the first script — just the second. The first was already filled sitting in the bin.

So, I called and they looked and looked and found no record of that patient being seen since September 2007. They also had no nurse or receptionist working there by the name of Roberta (or anything similar). Now, my bullshit meter was on high alert. I immediately grabbed the other script and had them look up that patient. She had NEVER been seen by that office. They searched their computer both patients by name and birthdate.

The Drug Seekers have evolved. Rather than start out with the nuts, they shot for some antibiotics — to get it in their profile that they had seen that specific doctor who phone in an Rx for them, filled it, and picked it up. Busted, bitches! They were testing us — to see if they could sneak that by us. I’d bet my house that a Norco script was going to be called in later that week.

So, I alerted that office of the names/birthdays of these bitches. I also put a note in their profile that they are not allowed to have controlled meds filled at my pharmacy. The office staff was going to mass-fax every doctor and pharmacy in the area alerting them to this shit.

Let’s see those bitches get a controlled script filled in this town again without it being scrutinized, verified, and checked arduously by the techs and pharmacists.

As a follow up, I called both patients with the numbers I had on file, and as I expected, both were disconnected.

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