Jun
Good Rant on Self-Checkouts
Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Blogs I like, Courtesy, GUEST CONTRIBUTOR, Me being a dick, Work Sucks
This was all thought up and written by Kurtis – I loved it and decided to share it with the world:
I know it’s not pharmacy related, but today I waited in line for 10 whole minutes waiting for not 1, not 2, nor 3, but 4 idiots to figure out how to use the self-checkout registers at a grocery store that I work in as a pharmacy tech (soon to be intern). The horrible part is these same idiots come to the pharmacy bothering me about things they know even less about, but are convinced that they are experts on. Thus, I present a new set of rules that I think should take effect immediately to prevent my lunch break from being ruined ever again:
New U-Scan Limitations to be Enacted Immediately:
1.) 15 items or less only. I do not know how many times I’ve seen someone bring a whole cartful of groceries through the U-Scan. It just ticks everybody off; just because there is no line at the U-Scan when you get there does not mean you can check yourself out any faster than if you waited in line and had somebody who knows what they are doing do it for you. Also, when you are done, you’ve created an angry mob in line behind you.
2.) Your IQ must be greater than 80. I think this is pretty generous considering this is one standard deviation lower than the median IQ. The U-Scan machine is a simple device that consists of a holding area for your unpurchased groceries (notice how small it is? seems to indicate a hand basket or less…see rule #1), a laser that scans barcodes, a touch screen that displays all of your options as you check out, an area to pay cash or credit, and a holding areas for your scanned groceries. The trickiest part of all of this is that the second holding area is a scale; it senses changes in weight to let the machine know that what you scan is what you are placing in the bags; this prevents theft. You cannot lean on, place a purse on, or have your snot-nosed kids touch or play with this scale or the whole process must be stopped and continued by a clerk. Do not get angry at the employee who runs the U-Scan if you cannot figure out how to work the darn machine. And remember, when the machine says “Waiting for cashier,” it doesn’t mean its waiting on the employee, its waiting on YOU! Odds are if you break rule #1, you are also breaking rule #2.
3.) You must be less than 65 years old. You grew up with local clerks who ran cashiers. They probably wore aprons and sweeped porches with brooms. Go take a nostalgic trip down memory lane by telling this modern 16 year old kid all about the local shop in your town, and how everyone met there every weekend for rootbeer floats or to find out if it was going to rain because Clem’s leg was swelling up, or to ask a young lady’s father if you could court her. Tell him how much a peppermint stick used to cost in 1879, tell him how you used to stare at the expensive chocolate bars, complain about anything and everything that has changed. Sure, after 10 minutes of this story the cashier may begin to fidget and the other customers may begin to get angry, but hey, you’ve saved us all a train wreck because you didn’t use the U-SCAN! Even if you obey rules #1 and #2, you still will not be efficient at using this complicated technological machinery. Cashiers; to screen for ages, simply ask an elderly looking person for their Medicare card. Their eyes will light up as they think to themselves, “Medicare pays for food!?” as they proudly show you their “Red, white, and blue” card. Kindly inform them that they are over the age limit and direct them to the nearest open register. Tell them it’s a special service for the elderly of the neighborhood, they’ll eat that up.
Very funny Kurtis! So sad that is it true. Sometimes I wish The Giver was true!
These machines would be much more useful if the scales weren’t so picky. This is particularly annoying at places like Home Depot.
There’s usually a bunch of these machines braying “Please place the item in the bagging area / Item removed from bagging area”.
I mean, I can understand the problem if someone is trying to get a cinder block through the self-checkout, but this should not be a problem for the average item.
Semi-related rant: Why are EZ-Pass lanes at toll booths closed? It’s not like they’re paying someone in those lanes. The machine is on vacation or something?
Just because I’m feeling snarly today, I’d like to add one more all-purpose rule for the store employees regarding this “service”:
4.) If you are so bored that you are desperate enough to shuffle your ass over to self-checkout to ‘assist’ a customer, please do not start bagging my groceries without asking me first. Especially since cashier incompetence is the sole reason I use self-checkout in the first place.
Apparently, store training does not include the words “place canned foods on bottom of bag, bread on top, and meats with the juices running out in a separate bag altogether” any more. So, until that changes, stay the fuck away from my food.
Thank you.
Agree with LiL above, and for that reason I disagree with rule #1. When grocery stores start hiring people who can bag my groceries in a manner that makes ANY sense, I will stop taking my filled cart through the self-checkout.
That said, I don’t take a full cart through if there are a lot of people waiting or if the lane is marked 15 items or less. And honestly, even with my full cart I take less time to check out than most of the other people using the machines.
How funny!
I just went shopping with our 7 year old girl yesterday and we used the self check out. Oh was she exited! She wanted to do it so badly. I explained the rules and she understood , followed those and was done within 4 minutes. Next to us was an elderly couple who could get nothing done right and the clerk had to come over all the time. When we got ready to leave, my little girl went up to the couple and told them in a very innocent way that if they would read the instructions and followed the rules and regulations, they would not have the problems. They had no time to respond and we left quickly:) I was able to see the cashiers face and she looked happy for somebody to have said something, even if it was only a 7 year old:)
Ahhahahaha He speaks the truth, old people are the worst, aren’t those self checkout’s suppose to replace EXPRESS lines? Sheesh.
Even worse is when kids under 21 try to buy beer thinking they can get away with not having an id and walk away leaving the next person with a machine that needs the worker to walk over and reset.
I break Rule #1 on a regular basis, but since I run a register all day and Taller Half was “fastest, most accurate cashier” when he worked a grocery store 5 years ago, we still get $120 worth of groceries scanned faster than the old farts with their 5 TV dinners, can of nuts, bag of chips and case of beer a week orders. Otherwise, I completely both agree and approve. :)
Lil is being a LIL BI***. It’s customers like you that make us dread work. Honestly, show us some respect and stop being so snotty. Just because we work in a grocery store does not mean anything; we’re probably smarter than you anyway! People like you make me hate people! Snot Ass.
People go into pharmacy simply because it’s a relatively quick way to make good money, not because they think they will enjoy the career. Who says they want to be a pharmacist when they grow up? Most are not very satisfied when they realize all they do is fill pill bottles all day, and have to keep up with the trillions of new drugs coming out. If socialized health care is passed generic drugs will become more common, and as drug prices decline, so will the salaries of pharmacists. I can easily see them going from 100k a year to 50k, which is more what they deserve. I’m sorry, but I have a beef with them as they are not only overpaid, but now they want the title of doctor, which they don’t deserve. When they are required to get a phd, and defend a dissertation of a thesis that they created in front of a panel of experts in their field, then I will call them doctor. An English or History professor with a phd is much more of a real doctor than any pharmacist. If a physician’s assistant can’t be called doctor, no way should a pharmacist. I know a girl with half a brain that just got into pharmacy school and she’s only a sophomore in college. She won’t even have a real bachelors degree when she’s done but she’ll be a pharmacist! What a joke.
GFY, dude….GFY
BTW, Medical Doctors do not do a dissertation nor defend it….
Lawman, you sir are an idiot and will not dignify myself with a response.
Lawman, if brains were gasoline you could not power an ant go-cart once around a
BB. Are you the kind of Lawman I see every day, the cowardly loser who has never been out from behind his desk but manages to get his blood pressure, cholesterol, and ED drugs on workers’ comp because of his horrible disability which somehow occurred three months before retirement? I doubt you are like my son, the LAPD detective hero with multiple commendations for courage and exemplary service… fuck you.
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