Headhunters

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Disgusting, Drug Companies, Hate Mail, Me being a dick, Rude, True Story, Work Sucks

I got the message below from what I like to call a headhunter. What do they do all day? They call us, hardworking pharmacists in the trenches, at work. They bother us incessantly….non stop. Feigning interested in our day. Telling us about “exciting opportunities” in “various healthcare field” with “immediately openings available in our area of the country.”

That’s right. They call me at my job, who currently pays my bills, and asks me if I want to quit and work for any company that will take me. They will promise you the world. Can they deliver? They don’t know. They don’t care. They likely read off a script just like every other telemarketer in America.

I understand as well as anybody that it takes a ton of different people to make the world go around. For every job, there is a worker willing to take that job at that wage. It may not be what I would want to do, or what I could earn, but the job is there nonetheless.

But, how in the fuck do these people make their place in the world? I just don’t get it! I could not imagine a pharmacist, regardless of their level of disgruntlement, saying, “Yeah, I’ll quit this bitch for whatever job you can find me with XYZ company.” I’ve never heard of someone doing it. So, I’ve never heard of a success story. To make matters worse, they bother us at our already hectic jobs. This pisses us off and REALLY makes me want to jump ship!

What makes this specific commenter all the more asinine is that I had a run in with her a while back. The Pharmacy Alliance had an oft-used email listserv prior to their meeting in Texas. She chimed in with this same recruitment chum. I didn’t reply in a swear laden hate-speech. I didn’t even tell her to go fuck herself. I just replied with, “Whoa.”

Now, at work, I like to fuck with these people. The way I see it is that my time is money. I’m sure my time is worth more than there’s, but I’m a huge dick and I like to get a laugh at other people’s expense. I often ask them for all the details and not pay a lick of attention. Then I ask them again. After that I’ll ask them random questions they have no business knowing until they get the hint. “Ma’am, why can’t tigecycline be used for bactermia?” or “Why is Zyvox contraindicated in people on MAOIs?” or “What’s the max daily dose of Oxycodone in a properly titrated person” or my personal favorite, “Why can’t enteric coated aspirin be used to treat a headache?” If they still don’t get the hint, I ask them, “Why does Mickey Mouse have big ears?” — That’s usually the fuck off question that gets em.

Bonus points for answering the real questions in the comments.

A new submission (form: “Contact Form”)
============================================
Submitted on: June 4, 2008
Via: http://www.theangriestpharmacist.com/contact/
By <edited out IP> (visitor IP).

Funniest Pharmacy Video Ever

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Disgusting, Education, Me being a dick, Pharmacy School, Stupid People, Video

I just had this video forwarded to me a few minutes ago, and I had to immediately share it with the world. This has got to be the most awkward “patient counseling session” I have ever seen. All pharmacists did these little pretend sessions with a TA at one time or another. This is the absolute worst.

I have no idea when the video was taken or who these kids are, but it makes me want to vomit.

Some of the quotes the “pharmacist” in this video says:

“Uhm”
“We’re starting you on lisinopril which will lower your cholesterol.” [The patient's response is classic]
“The Zocor could react with the lisinopril you are already taking and I would definitely go see your physician tomorrow morning. If you’re not feeling well have someone take you to the hospital cause we don’t want you in a car accident.”
“He wants you to take this at bedtime because Zocor works…is…the way it works by coating the intestine and keeps flushing it out…”
“It works very well at keeping obesity in young people down and other factors.”
[Pharmacist looks around like a fucking idiot for a knife or something to cut his wrists - hopefully]
“The only concern I’m having with your medications is that they may have an interaction. The lisinopril and Zocor could interact and possibly cause death. Might want to avoid that as much as possible.”
“Otherwise…we filled it with gelcaps for you cause it’s easier to swallow. We used the smallest that we had. It may be a little more on the copay, but in the long run it’s easier to swallow a smaller pill than a larger.”

I sincerely hope this is a fucking joke. Good luck at regaining the prowess and prestige of pharmacy if this is what our future looks like. I think the kid must have taken a roll of ecstasy and cranked one out before this session, because he looks way too calm to not know what the fucking fuck he’s talking about. The real bitch of this is, he has an information sheet (or script for this joke video) sitting right in front of him. If he had the answers in front of him and he thinks lisinopril is for cholesterol, may we all die in our sleep along with our profession.

I wonder if all pharmacy students are this fucking stupid. Here’s the video…enjoy:

Crappy Consultation

Fills deez fer me

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Disgusting, Lazy People, Stupid People, True Story, Welfare

I filled 9 scripts today for three different kids.

Jimbo Jones — Flintstones Vitamins, Iron Drops, and Rondec DM
Jackson Smith — Flintstones Vitamins, Iron Drops, and Rondec DM
Cameron Sledgehammer — Flintstones Vitamins, Rondec DM, and Augmentin

Several things piss me off about this situation:
1. This mother was pregnant again (likely with a 4th man’s seed).
2. Five of the nine prescriptions are OTC Products (Flintstones x 3 and Iron x 2)
3. All of these children were on State Aid - meaning part of my taxed wages paid for these five prescriptions.
4. The cost of these 5 OTC prescriptions is negligible (Generic Flintstones cost $4-5 bucks for 100 of them and Iron drops cost $3-4 for 2 ounces — total cost: $23 or $9 if the kids shared the bottles).
5. Reimbursement on these types of scripts is absolutely pathetic because it’s OTC. It’s something like cost + $0.50 — And there’s always problems with submitting and getting them to work. So, you have to transmit several times at like 15-20 cents each to get it to adjudicate.
And WORST of all:
6. The prescriptions were dated 2/13/08 —- TEN FUCKING DAYS AGO!

Are you fucking kidding me? The kids probably aren’t sick anymore and don’t need the Rondec or the Augmentin, YET she still took these little kids to the doctor (again, on my dime) and got the scripts. So, I’m filling prescriptions for NOW healthy babies. She wasted the time of the doctor since she didn’t get the scripts immediately filled. She wasted my time (as well as my tech’s time) because I’m filling scripts for babies that aren’t sick. She’s obviously neglecting the children to some extent since she failed to get the scripts filled in a timely fashion (which, in my opinion would be within 24 hours — preferably 12). They were sick enough to take to the doctor, right?

So, again I ask: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I say another government baby is exactly what this chick needs.

As always in my posts - there’s one final thought that ties this all together — that makes my points really hit home — that makes the reader go “what the fuck” — that makes me want to cringe in disgust.

She works [part-time] in the grocery store CONNECTED to my pharmacy. I’m sure she’d been there more recently than 10 days post-doctors-appointment.

OCD makes no fucking sense…

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Disgusting, Stupid People, True Story

I went into the facilities tonight to make a liquid deposit. As I entered, I saw a guy washing his hands. He was completely giving them hell. He had a huge amount of lather built up, and I could hear him scrubbing the shit out of them. I assumed he was headed into surgery As I was finishing up, he had rinsed them off and began drying them — he used about 15 paper towels drying them off. I came over and washed my hands, and he had stepped back and finished wasting all our paper towels. I guess his hands were sufficiently clean. Note: I checked his hands out. They were BRIGHT RED. It looked like he had gloves on, and the contrast between his pale skin and red gloves just looked awkward. He’d obviously been scrubbing his hands for a long as time. Maybe he got poop in them.

I stepped over and started drying my hands. I was kind of waiting for him to leave. What did he do? What do you think he did? Leave right? Wash them again? Not even close.

This motherfucker grabbed another paper towel, blew his nose, threw it in the trash, then left the bathroom.

He totally defeated the purpose of washing his hands for ten minutes. He totally negated his hard work and effort. He completely forgot his affliction for germs and aversion to spreading disease to the rest of the public.

Sometimes people just make no sense whatsoever.

Movie annoyance, speech impediments, and pacifiers

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Disgusting, Insurance Companies, Lazy People, Me being a dick, Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

I’m back! I’ve been a little under the weather, very busy, and overall lazy lately. I’ve gotten somewhat addicted to a new flash game called ONSLAUGHT. Anyway, the first thing I wanted to bitch about was something that really pissed me off at a movie I went to recently. We’ve all been irritated by a crying baby (for fucks sake), a cell phone ringing (or a fucking asshole that answers a call, “I can’t talk, I’m in a movie!”), or some punk ass 14 year olds that won’t shut the hell up or keep their grubby ass hands off of their neighbor’s new trainer bra.

I found a new thing that irritated me today…a blinking light. Some hotshot sat in front of me - and he wanted all of us to know he had a bluetooth headset. He left it on — I guess in case someone gave him a call during the movie — and a little blue light blinked every 5 fucking seconds the entire movie. I handled the problem as maturely as I know how, I began by throwing popcorn at him repeatedly…every time in blinked. That didn’t seem to work and he chalked it up to some Emo faggots sitting behind me. I think upgraded my arsenal to Jujyfruits. By the time he realized it was me, I’d wasted too much Jujyfruit goodness to warrant a continued assault. Finally, I brought out the cannons. I began kicking his chair. Sure, I could’ve asked him to turn it off, but then I can’t be a complete dick. So, after I kicked his chair about 5 times he turned around and asked me in a real pissed off tone (rightfully so), “What’s the problem here?” — “Ohh, sorry. I keep seeing a blinking light from the corner of my eye and it keeps startling me. It’s a knee jerk reaction.”

My response got the action I wanted. It also made the emo faggots chuckle in emo faggot delight. Good for them. Maybe they won’t cut themselves tonight.

-=+=-

I’ve never called an insurance company and spoke with a “customer care representative” with a legitimate speech impediment before. Sure, I’ve talked with Indians, Brits, Ebonics-speakers, and flat out idiots, but I’ve never called and gotten someone that was 100% unintelligible. I politely asked for her to repeat hersself 5 times before I got pissed off. I didn’t realize it was a speech impediment at first - I thought the person just had a real shit-ass attitude and was giving me her “hoe-hum-I-don’t-want-to-be-here-so-fuck-you-and-the-world” voice. I couldn’t understand a damn thing.

“What’s your NPI and name” sounded like “Where are pirates drinking cum?”

“What’s the RX number and fill date” sounded like “Do you like gays that eat cake?”

“How can I help you today” sounded like “Man, you need a fucking lay.”
Now you can see why I handled the problem professionally by merely hanging up and calling back. I got someone different the next call, thankfully.

Get a clue insurance companies - speech impediments and jobs that require 100% conversation and communication should not be left to the cleft of mouth.

Or perhaps everything is going directly to plan for them. I hung up - maybe I won’t call back next time and just force the patient to pay cash. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why the cards they give out lack any applicable information used in billing.

-=+=-

Finally, pacifiers - foofoos - binkies - dummy - comforter - whatthefuckever. Fine for babies. Once a child is mobile (i.e. it can crawl or walk or move under its own power) those things need to hit the bricks. That’s my rule.

Of course, the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry says you don’t have to worry about removing them from the child’s pie-hole until the permanent teeth begin coming in. The Brits, however, say to avoid using them altogether and discouraging thumbsucking at all costs because it eventually causes problems with how the teeth grow and develop. They ultimately cause the child to need oral braces.

Today, I saw a child sucking on one of these fucking things that was much too old to have their face covered with a pacifier. The kid was about 6. Maybe no permanent teeth…but definitely old enough to know that these things were for babies. Too big to be placed in the seat of a shopping card.

Absolutely ridiculous. Sure, you can’t control your kid. Sure, you can’t keep your kid appeased or keep its mouth closed (and therefore quiet and not screaming). So, you take the easy way out and stick a RUBBER TIT in its mouth. Wow.

My kids will grow up wondering what the fuck those things are for - that’s a promise.

Happy filling…

Thoughtful comment. 100th post. More farting?!

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Disgusting, Update, Work Sucks

I received the following comment from Mary A. who identified herself as a pharmacy student. I am going to break the comment up and address things one by one.

I’m imagining that this blog forum has been useful as an alter-ego, but I can’t imagine that the work as a pharmacist is so mind-blowing that venting on such silly topics is useful in ‘taking one away’ like the discussion of laser pranks, intestinal gas, drunkenness, etc. Hey, I mean, coming to work hung-over is grounds for being fired in some jobs, notwithstanding the dereliction of ‘duty’. Doing pharmacist work requires mental wherewithal to carry out on to the best of one’s ability.

This is what differentiates you from me. You are a student, not a pharmacist. You’ve not actually worked 40 hours a week holding the ship afloat. Sure, you’ve worked and counseled some old bitty on metamucil, but you’ve never been the captain. At the end of a 12-hr day, where you filled like there was no tomorrow, you are drained — physically, emotionally, psychologically, verbally, and any other adverb you want to add in there (semenally?).

When I started this blog, it was to vent. Now it’s to vent and make myself laugh — perhaps some others get a few laughs out of this as well. I like making people laugh, and I’ve even considered doing an open mic night somewhere telling pharmacy jokes to the commoners. It’d take a shit ton of work, but I think I could pull it off. The blog is allowing me to feel out what is funny and what is not (based on hits to that post, emails, comments, etc). And it’s not an alter ego. If you personally knew me and read my blog, you may not realize it was me. The second I told you, the connection would be made and you’d be embarassed you didn’t see it sooner. I am the same person on and off. I’m a dick. I’m sometimes funny. I tell fart jokes. I make fun of people that are different from me, and I am always right.

I don’t know what world you’re living in, but as long as I’m capable of doing my job, and not still drunk, hungover is not against the rules. Just like being tired is not against the rules if you stayed up all night taking care of your sick kids. They can’t prove I’m hungover anymore than they can prove I have the flu. Either way, I can’t call in sick. So, I might as well bitch about it…Did I mention that I function just as well hungover? Yes, I did. There’s no way someone’s going to fire a pharmacist in this day an age for being hungover. Perhaps if you are a drunk, stink like Wild Irish Rose, or show up late they might can you. But, we’re worth to much to the business to dismiss. I’m sure they’d just have a word first. Finally, stop using big words. It doesn’t make you sound smarter. Especially when they are archaic…”wherewithal”? Honestly?

What are some personal reasons for embarking on a career in this profession? How long have you been in this career choice? Do you feel as if you’re in a corner with no other choices in carrying out your job? No matter how old a person is, there are always options to improve one’s lot and opportunities for improvement. Sure, there’s a lot wrong in our society and pharmacists that show up to work regularly tend to be on the front-line (to see it and bear the brunt). Because of the complexity of the job, there is plenty of room for disenchantment. Sarcasm and carping can be a hilarious way to cope, but surely there’s something redeeming about your chosen profession (other than the lovely lolly that pays bills).

I went to pharmacy school because I could. I worked in a pharmacy prior to that sweeping the floors and sometimes helping in the prescription process. I just thought it was easy, and I was good at chemistry. To an 18-year old, that seemed like enough. I’ve been in pharmacy for longer than you’ve been graduated from high school — we’ll put it that way. I’ve already outlined what was wrong with society here. I’m more disenchanted than what one would think. My posts are the best way to cope. The only other way would be to find a new job where I can write blogs about pharmacy, or something else I know, and get paid nearly $50 an hour to do so. Or, find a pharmacy that’s willing to let me rule with an iron fist — a pharmacy where I call the shots and the customer is not always right — a pharmacy where if you raise a stink, I’ll just tell you to find a new place to trade. Right now, the money ain’t hurtin’.

The blog on the patient needing a liver transplant or too sick to get one was classic. Bring on some more, rather than digression into silliness.

I’m very proud of that post as well. It’s not too often I’m able to make those connections, however. Why is that? It’s because of the shit that I talk about in the first link. How can I fully understand every aspect of a patient’s care when I only see them on a Sunday evening for a Vicodin script? Let’s not beat around the bush. It’s the regular patients that get the best care. You develop a repore with them. You know them and their meds. You know that their daughter had surgery last month. You can really make the connections there. I can’t make any connections on the Vicodin script you got filled if I never see you again. People are too transient — trust all pharmacists — but pick one to be YOUR pharmacist. Your outcomes will be better…I promise.

I was in a VA situation where everything was done to someone with HCV enrolled, physically prepped, into the operating theater, and transplanted with some accident victim’s liver, and within 2 yrs out, the organ wasn’t being properly cared for, and the docs were saying, no way, no how, were they going to invest the medicine necessary to retain it, if the patient couldn’t take better care of it, and himself.

Mental health and sociological issues. This society has a lot of people in it with them, and we see a lot of it. Pharmacists see a lot of it. We’re not prepared to change society. We don’t always know how to deal with it in a helpful way.

I don’t really know where you were going here, so I can’t respond. Either way, I appreciate the comments, Mary. I’ll try to throw in more hardcore pharmacy posts…but, there’s no way we’re getting rid of the silly. That’s my bread and butter.

-=+=-

THIS IS MY 100TH POST! Please go back and read them all…and rate them all! If you can’t rate them, it’s because you still have the cookie from the first ratings system that I ditched (it didn’t display properly). Clear all your cookies and you’ll be able to rate them again if you so choose. Once I get a plethora of ratings, I’ll compile some sort of list of my most popular/best posts and put them on the sidebar.

So, I’m not the only pharmacist-written blog that likes to write about farting out there. The Angry Pharmacist analyzed the shart and how to effectively hide the mishap should it happen. Whereas, I go into *explicit* detail on how to THROW a fart. If you’ll notice, my post predated his (in this instance) by about 2 weeks…:-)

Final Note — I’m changing the way I handle comments submitted to me via the form at the top of the page. No longer will I display your email address, IP address, or location. I will merely share your name, title, and the message if I choose. The disclaimer will be updated accordingly. I’m doing this to facilitate more comments and questions for me without fear of spiteful repercussions. I’m changing my evil ways…

The lost art of throwing a fart

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Disgusting, Me being a dick

Girls: Stop reading now. You will be so offended by this post you will want to hunt me down and kill me with your bare hands. As erotic as I find that, I don’t want to be dead yet.

Guys: Take notes. This is a way to piss off any tech, befriend a good tech, and get rid of the bitch tech that wears too much makeup and takes herself to seriously. Pharmacists are up in the air (literally) — usually depends on marital status, age, and level of bitch-osity.

Step 1: Work up a nasty turd whistle
Step 2: Cup hand
Step 3: Place hand over ass
Step 4: Release the beef
Step 5: Immediately ‘throw’ the fart towards the victim’s face
Step 6: Laugh uncontrollably as victim chokes on your death breath

For those that have mastered the art of the fart throw, there are some advanced techniques that you can explore.
Technique 1 — remove the filter. That’s right. A bare-assed grab, while disgusting, is much more worse in terms of stench. It’s also a million times more deplorable to the victim. They’ll want to kill themselves…guaranteed.

Technique 2a — Alternate areas of release. Rather than always aiming for your victim’s face, try aiming for somewhere more subtle, like their pocket. I enjoy placing my ass air in my old friend’s pockets so they can utilize it at their discretion later.

Technique 2b — If you can pull off the fart throw while holding a dollar bill, you can ensure a first timer gets the worst possible experience. Whilst placing the mud duck in their pocket, also place the dollar in there. They’ll immediately fish out the dollar and release your brown cloud directly into their lungs. Joy will ensue. Alternatively, they could save both for later.