The *Angriest* Pharmacist You want your prescription filled when? Eat shit…

Unfortunately, this is a TRUE story

I swear on the life of my unborn children that the following conversation is almost 100% exactly as it happened. Right as it concluded, I went and recorded a "note" on my iPhone to help me remember this idiocy...

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"I was wondering, if I brought a list of my medicines up here, could you tell me how much each of them would cost?"

"Are you on file here? And do you have insurance?"

"I've never been here before, but I have Paid insurance."

"Well then, unfortunately, I cannot. Your best be would be to look on the back of your card and call the Member Services or Customer Service number listed there. They can tell you exactly how much each prescription will cost. All I can give you here is the cash price which doesn't do you any good when your insurance will foot the bill in most cases."

"I don't understand. Can't you just put it in the computer and see?"   [Gotta love that all-powerful, "computer" that does all and knows all!]

"That's not how it works. If I had valid prescriptions on file for each one, I certainly could just push a button or two and tell you, but you aren't on file here. So, I can't do anything to help you. If you'd rather bring me a stack of prescriptions I can get you prices then..."

"Well. That doesn't make any sense. I've got a list at home with all the prices on it. Why can't you just tell me what they cost? You're a pharmacist!"

"Wait. You have a list of all the medicines, what they cost, and you want ME to tell you what they cost? You want me to tell you what that list already says?"

"Noooo....well, not exactly. You see, at the last pharmacy I went to they gave me special prices on some medicines. Not the expensive ones. They ran those [the expensive ones] on my insurance, but there were some that were cheaper if they didn't use my insurance."

"Are you talking about the '$4 list' generics?"

"Yeah! That's it. How much are those here?

"Well, they are $4...we honor that program. Unfortunately, I don't have them all memorized, but if you bring in what you got, I can figure it all out."

"Well, I've got a list of the ones that are $4 at Wal-Mart at home. Don't you have that list?"

"Wait. You have the list of what your prescriptions cost on your insurance at home. You ALSO  have the list of ALL the $4 prescriptions at home. But, you want to bring me a list of your prescriptions. You want me to look at those two lists that you have at home in your possession and tell you what those lists, that you have in your possession, say. And you want me to compare those two numbers and tell you which is cheaper."

"Exactly. Which is cheaper HERE..."

"Really? ..........[Long Pause of disbelief].......... Sure...bring everything you have to me...I've got nothing better to do. I'll show you how to do one and we'll see if you can get it from there....If not, I'll get you a quote."

What he got from our conversation: That nice pharmacist will put my prescriptions in the computer and tell me what they cost if I bring him a list.