My encounter with a douchebag DEA Agent
It was a busier day. It was me and my tech slaving away at the counter. Up walks "Agent Smith" from the DEA/BNDD. I don't mind these guys coming in - hell, I love hearing their stories and finding out who they're trying to track down. I do what I can to help. I even keep their business cards and call them if I find anything new out. I sometimes make a few calls when I think something shady is going on. Not anymore, at least not to this guy, he doesn't deserve my help.
He strolled in at 9:30am. I'm still plugging away on the queue and trying to make Doctor calls at the same time. He wanted information on we'll say, "Barbara Streisand." She visited me about 6 months ago. He told me he thinks the script was fraudulent. He wants it. "Well, lemme check. Yup! Just as I thought. It's in my storage room boxed up. It's in the back of the store under lock-and-key. I'd hafta get it for you."
"Okay. I've got a meeting at 10:30am across town. How quick can we get it?"
[Haha! Sorry, dick.]
"Well it's just me and my technician today. I can't go get it and leave a pharmacy open with no pharmacist, and I can't send my tech because I just can't operate the pharmacy with one person."
"I need it for my case against her. When can I get it?"
[I am no longer amused at this point.]
"I close at 9pm tonite. I can go get it then rather than go home. I can fax it to you or snail mail it tomorrow afternoon."
"That will do!"
[Of course it will do! You have no other options. I'm not *your* employee.]
We go about our business, and he is perusing our computer system (I had him sign one of my blanket HIPAA release forms for law enforcement when he came in and make notations of any profile(s) he viewed - I ain't no geek off the streets). He then asked if he could make some local calls. I've got four lines - sure thing, Agent Smith. He asks me for the number to a few nearby drugstores, and I hastily oblige.
Phone rings. My tech answers. He then barks at my tech away from the receiver he's holding in his right hand, "I'm on this line!" My tech immediately hangs up, and he remarks, "You disconnected my call!" I could tell my tech felt about 4 inches tall. I felt the entire situation a bit odd. How did he get disconnected? That's not how our phones work. You can't disconnect a call on one phone from another phone. That'd be stupid. [See where this is going yet?]
Phone rings. My tech is still shaken. So, I answer. I hear him in my left ear from his mouth and my right ear from the receiver, "I'm ON THIS LINE!" What could I do? I immediately hung up. He then snarls at *me*! "You people keep disconnecting my calls!" Then it both clicked and snapped. The click was my realization of what was going on. The snap was my demeanor and professionalism.
"That's because YOU are calling OUR pharmacy! You've called - we answer. We hear your voice and hang up on you because you freak out!"
[He didn't get it - I could tell from the furrow in his brow - he didn't believe his shear idiocy.]
"What's the number to this pharmacy?"
[I flung my business card at him like I was throwing playing cards in a hat]
"Whoops..."
That's right. All we got was a damn, "Whoops” no apology. No,"my bad, dogg." Fucking. WHOOPS. I was angry that he snapped at my tech. I was pissed he yelled at me. How did he not realize this when my voice system answered with "THANK YOU FOR CALLING _________ on ___________ road in ____________, ___________." He was attempting to call Walgreens - that is definitely NOT what my computer answers with!
He quickly made his phone calls (he got the number right from then on) and made his way out the door. He left his card, but I *misplaced* it.
I'll get that script to him in a few weeks!
Faxes
Friday morning I got a fax from a customer. It was a copy of his receipt from last month’s pickup. He also wrote a note saying, “Please fill these now. I am leaving on vacation. I’ll be there at 10am.â€
Wow, already off on the wrong foot. He wants me to fill 4 Rxs for him, and I just opened the door? Ugh. Well, I went ahead and did it for him. He got there about 10:15am, and I stepped up to ring him out. Here’s what followed. My comments are bold. My thoughts are in [brackets].
Yes, I have four to pick up for Jackson.
Okay. Here they are. It comes up to $25.59. Ahh, I remember yours now. Ya know, we traditionally don’t get faxes from patients requesting refills.
What’s wrong with that? I got the fax number from a business card.
Yeah. You’re right. I realize that the fax number is on my business card, but that was the first fax I’ve gotten from anyone other than a doctor’s office or other pharmacy in as long as I can remember. It’s usually used for only healthcare professionals. [Duh…right?]
Well, you shouldn’t have it on your business card! What’s wrong with me using it?[His tone was very condescending here]
Well, there’s nothing wrong with it, but I can’t completely guarantee that it will always work right. I can’t guarantee it will be checked. You may show up one time and your meds won’t be ready because we don’t always check for faxes, and sometimes they don’t come through completely legible…Finally, if it gets out we are accepting faxes from anybody, we could start getting fraudulent faxes from people.
Then why is it on your business card! You shouldn’t have it on there if you don’t want me to use it… [This begins my smartass-mode. He repeated himself, and he just flat out didn’t listen. You can’t argue my first AND second point with the same lame ass rebuttal.]
Well then, the next time I give you a business card I’ll scratch the fax number off of it before handing it over. [Rimshot please]
Ya know, this isn’t the only DAMN pharmacy in town… [This is what we all hear after we’ve won our argument. It’s really the only card the customers/patients can play. Little do they know we don’t give a damn]
You’re right. There’s a bunch… [At this point, I’m in “dick mode†and we’ve completed the transaction. He’s started to walk away…]
How do I go about transferring my prescriptions to another pharmacy? Away from you!
Just fax all your information to them instead of me…They’ll figure it out from there… [Rimshot please. I burned him real good!]
-=+=-
I know. Once again I’ve gone too far, but damn it was funny. I nearly lost it after he walked away. I really think it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever said to a customer. It was quick, poignant, and just an awesome Ashton-Kutcher-esque BURN!
However, if my DM ever gets wind of it, I’d prolly get written up or even fired.
I know it’s pretty hypocritical, but I would have dressed down a tech pretty good for doing the same thing I did after congratulating them on such a great burn…
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