“Omnipotent” Assholes and Dirty Ol’ (wo)Men….

Posted by LilLaura as Doctors, Lil Laura, Sexy Time, Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

This post comprises of the last few weeks of work, which have been unusually uneventful for me…. I start to worry as NOTHING EVER goes quietly for me. I couldn’t write as the last post dive bombed, so I’ll see how this goes, and if I cock up, I shall blog no more.

The *Angriest* one’s funniest post to date (IMHO) comprised of a complete arse of a “pharmacist” (no way was that real) trying to communicate with a patient (which makes me think it is a couple of medical students taking the piss out of our profession-because doctors don’t know or care how the drugs work).

There are two types of medical students-the chilled and relaxed (the minority) and the stressed and partied out (the majority, that become “omnipotent” assholes). So unfortunate that my little sister will fall into the latter category, though my blog is fast becoming an icon amongst the med students in her class-not quite what I intended!! Though a few have decided to try dentistry instead….as they now fear the wrath of the pharmacist!!

Omnipotent….used when describing a god because they are faultless and are never wrong, they know everything. Doctors may play with lives and like to play god, make mistakes like all humans do (otherwise they’d never learn ANYTHING-and usually we pharmacists are their reference guide) yet know FUCK ALL. I always laugh when a patient says they’d rather take their doctors word for it….because the very next week they are banging down your door because the doctor couldn’t be bothered with them! For example, yesterday I had to call for an ambulance for a patient who was suffering from severe dehydration after a bout of food poisoning-which the GP dismissed as “hyperchondrical”…..(fucking knob).

A local doctor (the same one as above, ahem) made the mistake of missing a patients adverse drug reaction to ibuprofen (Advil). I spotted it, reported it and did my duty. The doctor said to just dispense the prescription (”omnipotent” asshole). I told the patient that if he had any further trouble to talk to the doctor, as I was overruled. Like Pilate, I washed my hands….

Now, for the Dirty Ol’ (wo)men. Now, you’d think that for all the censorship, rules and regs we have to face in our personal lives, that those that set the standard originally would adhere to it-apparently this is not the case in Bonnie Scotland….

Last week, a woman, in her 70s asked to speak to me. In front of other customers, she proceeded to describe how itchy her lips were and that the doctor had given her a cream for them. I could see nothing wrong, until she uttered the words that nearly put me off sex for life “NO, not those lips dear. The lips DOWN UNDER” and pointed. Nice. Then there’s the “confident” (i.e. limp) men over the age of 60 getting Viagra for free, and they ALWAYS wink at me when I hand them their items (shudder). The worst has to be a man in his 90s (yes, over NINETY YEARS OLD), telling me that my name was very “Victorian” and he imagined me in a corset and crinoline dress… Never have I felt so used….

I think as a pharmacist you develop immunity as you always have to appear professional. When it happens to my staff though, I really laugh. These are women 20 years older than me, and they still get embarrassed, even though they’ve probably seen it all before! A member of my staff got very embarrassed the other day as she was witnessing a man take his trousers off-she froze and didn’t know what to do! Thankfully he had another pair on under them! HAHAHAHAHA! I stood watching her face getting redder and him wrestling with his trousers in front of a shop full of people. Fair enough, I probably should have intervened, but I couldn’t. (Probably the reason why I have an impacted wisdom tooth now, and am on antibiotics-which means that the alcoholic beverages are out for the next week, and the pain of it makes me VERY bitchy.Karma).

Working hungover

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Sexy Time, True Story

I hate going to work hungover. I was really hungover today. Usually, I give myself 7-8 hours to sleep and that’s good enough for me. With 7-8 hrs I’m good to go. Today, I’d say I got 6 hours. I’d figure I could make due. No dice. I was extraordinarily drunk last night. I was so drunk I went dancing. I absolutely hate dancing…mostly because I’m horrible at it. Yet, after 6 beers, four long islands, and a whiskey and coke — I was on the floor doing the “Soulja Boy” after a 300-pound black lady (who was fucking awesome at it) taught me how.

I then taught her how to do the Casper Slide. I think she now may be carrying my baby…I cannot disprove the theory.

Anyway - I went to work today and felt worse than the vast majority of our patient’s look and smell. I’m not unsafe when hungover - I’m still 100% capable of doing my job and doing it safely. The hangover just puts me in a worse mood than I usually am. It causes me to be a bigger dick to those that deserve it. I don’t hold anything back on hangover-days.

It usually causes me to tell some lady to go stuff her cell phone up her fat ass rather than converse in front of me in her mindless-dribble. It does me no good, but it makes me feel better.

You’d think I learn my lesson — Stop drinking heavily before opening the next morning. Or, better yet, drink in moderation.

To hell with that. I was put on this earth for two things — getting drunk and dancing with voluptuous black women, eatin’, and fuckin’ — And I don’t see any Jack-in-the-Box or hot bitches around right now…I’d better go hit da club…

What is your favorite sexual position?

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Sexy Time, Stupid People

Okay, this is very ‘not pharmacy’. But I was wondering: what’s the average pharmacist’s favorite sexual position? Would it differ from male to female? Hell, would it differ from pharmacists to technicians to the general public?

I’m going to bet the average male pharmacist prefers the classic missionary. They prefer to be in control. They want to dictate the tempo (which they usually cannot do in their work environment). They want to prove their domination over their partner.

The average female pharmacist prefers cowgirl. Why? The exact same as the reasons above. They want to ride their way to victory. They want to show that they are in charge with their 100k salary, and their lesser-making partner is *their* bitch.

Of my female technicians, I’m betting that they all are doggy style type girls. I have no real basis for this, other than they bend over and take it all the time from the customers that yell and scream at them - and they act like they like that. So, they must like being dominated from the behind position in the sack as well.

My male tech has to be a virgin. His favorite sexual position is sitting in front of his monitor. He’s a huge douche and wouldn’t have sex with a real girl if he got the chance.

The average customer at my store is a fan of anal. They are all assholes. The men likely enjoy anal because they are gross, enjoy E.Coli, and think it’s cool cause they see it all over the intarweb. The females like it because they are too assholes. They also let their partner go ass to mouth. Bitches…

End of grossest post ever,

The Angriest Pharmacist

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