Do unto others…

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Me being a dick, Stupid People, Traffic, True Story

I’m a fan of the Golden Rule.

Treat others as you wish to be treated.

In certain circumstances, I like to give it a little twist. We’ll call it “The Angriest Twist.”

Do unto others as they do unto you.

Some would call that tit for tat. Others call it reciprocation. I like to use the terms: revenge/vengeance, retaliation, and reward.

Now — before the comments coming rolling in — read the above AGAIN. IN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES. I’m not perpetually an asshole…just in certain circumstances.

I bring you this story. I was coming home today, and a red 1980-something Mustang cut me off to turn onto the interstate. It was a decent distance away, and I was headed in the same direction. I was a little perturbed by the situation, but I had no thoughts of retaliation. I had nothing to gain, and I’ve become used to dickhead drivers in my area.

Before we got too far ahead, a huge Ford F250 decided he wanted on the interstate as well. And to think I got cut off. I thought the Ford truck was going to take the front bumper and/or hood off of this little red car. Well, we got to the light and Mr. Red Mustang was super pissed. I saw him flashing his lights, flipping the bird, and I could hear his horn sounding.

It looked like he started to open his door to walk up and “confront” the driver of the F250. I would assume he noticed what I had seen much before he began flashing his lights using his finger liberally — a shotgun displayed in the rear window.

While I didn’t necessarily “do” anything — I did enjoy watching it unfold, which is almost as good as receiving the reward yourself.

New Widget In Right Frame

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Traffic, Update

I think we’ll come to love this Text-only widget. It’s titled “Recent Search Terms Used To Find TheAngriestPharmacist.com”

When someone comes in, my SiteMeter account reads the referring website address. While it doesn’t present the terms to me explicitly, when reading the long URL provided you can figure out what the person typed in and what search engine they were using.

You can retry the searches if you want. With all the technology out there in terms of bots scouring the web for keywords and sites, every search engine should yield similar results. That way you can figure out while in the hell “all asians are stubborn” comes to my site. Coincidentally, I have a post by those exact words. I’m the first on the list if you type that into Google!

The first set is pretty bland, but I’ve received some wild ones in the past. I’ll keep this one updated at least every other day or so. Check it out when you visit.

Final housekeeping note: Under each post (if you click the title of the post, not when viewing from the main-page) there is an icon to email a post to yourself and/or your friends, an icon to open a printable version of a post, and finally a StumbleUpon link which may eventually turn into a button…if I figure out where to upload the damn image. In addition - click the stumble button if you like a post - it will bring more visitors to our little slice of pharmacy-blog-heaven. Anyway, some of the older posts may have duplicates - 2 of each icon - because I edited the source code of this “theme” to have those icons in every post. Cope…:-)

How to not be a dick in traffic

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Me being a dick, Stupid People, Traffic

Alright, so I booted up Microsoft Paint and drew up a little diagram. The diagram explains one easy way for you find yourself with my foot crammed directly into your colon (via your rectum or mouth — depending on the cost of the shoes I’m wearing). So, here’s a quick rundown…Obviously, I am in car RAMROD and stopped at the stoplight. Another innocent motorist, stopped at the light opposite me, is in car RAMBO. The cars depicted at the top of the image are stopped in heavy traffic. Finally, we have ASSHOLE CAR on “his way to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Lore-uh-cets. He sees the gridlocked traffic, but dammit, he has a green light. He’s going! He’ll be damned if he’s gonna stop at a green light….that don’t make no fuckin’ sense now do it?”

So, what does ASSHOLE CAR do by going rather than stopping? He blocks my fucking path towards my location — the liquor store. Granted, sometimes the ASSHOLE may be lucky enough to avoid the ensuing gridlock he will cause if the NEXT block’s light changes allowing him to clear the intersection. Sometimes, still yet, if you stop at the line before the intersection (as you should), traffic may thin or move forward and you can go on across with that same green light (This is the right/safe way to do this in traffic!) Most of the time, though, he’ll sit in the middle of the intersection like the flaming pile of filthy pig shit he is…wasting everyone’s time because he’s an impatient cocksucker. In gridlock like this, where ASSHOLE CAR is faced with the decision to wait and let the traffic clear out a bit before entering the intersection, scientists have unequivocally proven that regardless of what is done, YOU WILL NOT GET TO YOUR DESTINATION FASTER BY CHARGING ACROSS THE INTERSECTION.

Now, what does car RAMROD do if ASSHOLE CAR is trapped in the intersection and the light changes allowing him to go? Most folks would sit there, shudder in complete disgust, and wait for the light to change and hope the following motorists aren’t some sort of idiot bastard headed to the pharmacy drive-thru. I, on the other hand, take it upon myself to benefit society by teaching this piece of garbage a lesson…so the mistake can be avoided in the future.

I floor it. I may be a mere 30 yards away from this guy, but I’m going to make him think I don’t see him. Then, at the last second, I’m going to slam on my brakes…hopefully, the tires will squeal. He’ll be looking of course…hopefully realizing is an insignificant asshole. He’ll see me and freak-the-fuck out. As I come to a stop, narrowly missing a horrible T-bone accident, I lay on my horn. I lay on my horn as if this fuckwad just swerved out in front of me, and I have a baby in the back seat. The next thing to happen is he’ll look me in the eye. He’ll know he was wrong. He may at this point realize he’s had an example made of him. This is where you teach him a lesson.

You’d be surprised how well the average person can read lips. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” has proven to be easy to read, understand, and learn from for the average pea-sized brain imbecile behind the wheel these days. He may give you the finger…that’s the most common reaction of idiotus maximus. I found that brandishing a switchblade is a great comeback to the time-tested reflex middle finger. That’ll shut ‘em up like a redheaded kid catching a backhand from a drunken stepfather.

The point of the post, though. How do you avoid being a dick in traffic…don’t do anything I’ve talked about in this post except of course the approved retaliation for such an event.

Search Engine Terms

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Traffic

Wordpress has a some nifty stats available to its users. It tells me how many hits I get a day (I’ve gotten around 9,500 in the past month and average around 300 per day).

It tells me where people are coming from. The boys at Fast Food Pharmacy send the most hits this direction, about 20 a day. I also get a bunch from Yahoo mail - I guess where my URL is forwarded around.

It tells me where people go once they leave, if they click one of my links. Most of them go to the link in the post of the day. Some click on other posts/pages.

The coolest function, however, is the search engine terms. It tells me what people typed into any search engine to stumble to my page. Here are *some* of my favorite terms (these are 100% genuine):

VERIFY CONTRolled walgreens
ipledge program sucks
lecithin bullshit
doctor won’t allow accutane
my pharmacist wants to kill me
what happens if dont pick up a prescript
extract pseudoephedrine from claritin D
celexa robitussin
being a pharmacist sucks
accutane sucks
fuck my mouth
Who thinks Sylvia Browne is full of shit
ipledge sucks
accutane stupid
ACCUTANE BABY
i pledge accutane stupid

EDIT: Got a new one - someone read this article and wanted to make me
laugh… “the angriest pharmacist sucks dick” HAHA

I will add to this list as time goes on and more gems roll in…

You are all horrible drivers

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Stupid People, Traffic, True Story

Driving tip #1: Do not block the fucking intersection. If it is busy at a red light, and there’s not room for your car to get entirely across the intersection, don’t fucking cross, nimrod! Seriously! I sat at an intersection for 3 cycles before I got so furious I just ran the red light when I got the chance. I’ll eat the 10 dollar ticket if there was a camera…I had to poop.

Driving tip #2: Don’t be an asshole. Be nice! I was driving in the right lane of a 4 lane road. Someone parked in front of a business. I couldn’t move. The parked person wasn’t the asshole. There was not a “no parking sign” believe me, I had plenty of time to look. Every asshole that drive by without letting me out is an asshole. It was very easy to see I was blocked. So, all you pricks that would not let me out, suck it.

Driving tip #3: Don’t be an excessive speeder. The limit is 70. 75 is okay. 95 is just damn uneccessary and dangerous. Slow the fuck down. Some people have kids in their car, and you are swerving around them like they are parked.

Driving tip #4: GameBoys, newspapers, laptops, and books are NOT acceptable while driving. DUH! I saw a fucking guy playing a GameBoy today. I sincerely hope he gets some sort of STD.

Driving tip #5: Don’t ride my ass.

Other drivers are ridiculous

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Stupid People, Traffic, True Story

Everyone going faster than me is an asshole. Everyone going slower than me is an idiot.

Boy did those words ring true this past weekend. I took a long trip. I should have flown, but I drove. I hate airports. I hate flying. Flying would have only saved my 4 hours, and it would have cost me an arm and a leg. Anyway, I saw nothing but assholes and idiots the whole trip. It’s like the fucking speed limits don’t even exist to some people. Sure, I do about 75 in a 70. I just wanna bend the law and prove that I’m not an old fart, yet. BUT THESE ASSHOLES WERE DOING 90! 90 miles per hour? Are you shitting me? These guys came up on my ass like I was doing 25 in a school zone. It’s ridiculous. Slow down! Your insane ass is going to get my ass killed.

Then, I come upon grandma or grandpa doing 50 in a 70. He has no reason to do 50 other than his gout is flared up. I can’t tell what’s more dangerous, me coming up on the old fucker doing 75 to his 50 or the asshole coming up to me doing 90 to my 75. Regardless, I don’t want to find out. I just want them all off the road. Then, I can do as I please.

And people, don’t fucking pass on the right…If you do, I’m going to be a prick, speed up, and block you in for a very long time. I see you. I saw how fast you came up on me. I’m going to get over in due time. Believe me, you aren’t going to get there any sooner whipping around me…I’ll see to it, asshole.

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