The lost art of throwing a fart

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Disgusting, Me being a dick

Girls: Stop reading now. You will be so offended by this post you will want to hunt me down and kill me with your bare hands. As erotic as I find that, I don’t want to be dead yet.

Guys: Take notes. This is a way to piss off any tech, befriend a good tech, and get rid of the bitch tech that wears too much makeup and takes herself to seriously. Pharmacists are up in the air (literally) — usually depends on marital status, age, and level of bitch-osity.

Step 1: Work up a nasty turd whistle
Step 2: Cup hand
Step 3: Place hand over ass
Step 4: Release the beef
Step 5: Immediately ‘throw’ the fart towards the victim’s face
Step 6: Laugh uncontrollably as victim chokes on your death breath

For those that have mastered the art of the fart throw, there are some advanced techniques that you can explore.
Technique 1 — remove the filter. That’s right. A bare-assed grab, while disgusting, is much more worse in terms of stench. It’s also a million times more deplorable to the victim. They’ll want to kill themselves…guaranteed.

Technique 2a — Alternate areas of release. Rather than always aiming for your victim’s face, try aiming for somewhere more subtle, like their pocket. I enjoy placing my ass air in my old friend’s pockets so they can utilize it at their discretion later.

Technique 2b — If you can pull off the fart throw while holding a dollar bill, you can ensure a first timer gets the worst possible experience. Whilst placing the mud duck in their pocket, also place the dollar in there. They’ll immediately fish out the dollar and release your brown cloud directly into their lungs. Joy will ensue. Alternatively, they could save both for later.

We have peaked in our idiocy

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

“Hi, I’m here to pick up a prescription for my sister.”

“Hi, I’m here to help you accomplish that!”

“Her last name is Mittler” [This name is completely erroneous, but the story is the same]

“Well, I don’t see anything in the computer for that name. How do you spell it, maybe I’m making a mistake.”

“I don’t know for sure. LET ME CALL HER.” [She's your fucking sister and you don't know how to spell her name? Are you kidding me?]

[Begin side conversation]

“Hey, sis. How do you spell your last name?” [I had given her a pen a pencil since she didn't know her own sister's birthday either]

“I know what your last name is. How do you spell it?”

“Ohh, it’s not Mittler? It’s what? Wittler?”

“How do you spell it?”

“W-I….”

“Okay, I’ll tell him you’re allergic…how do you spell it?”

“S-U-L-F-A? But I thought you just said your last name was Wittler?”

“Ohh, I see…”

-=+=-

That’s pretty much the bulk of the story. By the time this dumb lady got her sister’s name and birthday written down I had already pulled the script from the bin, added the allergy to the computer, had it rang up, took a piss, farted and threw it at my tech, and eaten a few bites of my lunch.

Wow. I wanted to take this lady’s car keys away from her…Sorry lady, minimum IQ of 4 is required to drive a “vroom vroom” in this country.

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Alcohol, tobacco, and other necessities for fun

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Stupid People, True Story

I filled a prescription today for ~4 pints of Lactulose. Guess what it was for? That’s right, some poor schmuck with hepatic encephalopathy. “Take one tablespoonful by mouth four times a day.” For our non-medical people out there, HE is a complication of liver disease (mainly cirrhosis). This man’s body is unable to clear nitrogen waste products from his body. They build up, and his mind goes AWOL. Confusion, agitation, euphoria, insomnia/sleep disturbances, and occasionally coma can be attributed to HE. There’s also my favorite symptom: asterixis — uncontrolable shaking of the hands when they are extended and dorsiflexed (not to be confused with supinated). The personality changes can also be very severe. Brain waves are screwed up as well. Now that we’ve had our lesson for today, I pose a question. What disease states could cause such a complication?

Well, there’s only a few that I learned: Hepatitis and cirrhosis (perhaps Mononucleosis as well)

The lactulose is great for helping the body cope with this. By acidifying the gut (moreso than is already there) it convers the ammonia (NH3) to ammonium (NH4+) with the abundance of protons (H+) around. The charged ammonium cannot cross the gut wall because it is charged, and it gets eliminated in the feces. Coincedentally, this is the primary goal of lactulose: pooping. On average, lactulose in these high doses will cause 4 or more loose stools each day. It’s a crappy side effect, but it’s much better than being in a coma because you have an ammonia level of 150.

What other drugs should we expect on this man’s profile? A Beta blocker to prevent peritonitis and variceal production. Furosemide and spironolactone to reduce fluid build up in the abdomen (ascites). Perhaps even metronidazole to kill urea splitting bacteria in the GI tract.

What should this person avoid? ALCOHOL!

God damnit! It’s highly likely this schmuck did this to himself by drinking gallons of gin each day for 15 years. Why in the fuck is this guy buying a case of Bud Light when he’s picking up his lactulose? Go ahead, drink yourself into a grave in 2 months rather than a year or two. Put yourself in the hospital with hepatorenal syndrome or severe SBP that will kill you in days. Choke on the blood from a variceal bleed. See if I give a shit anymore.

I asked him if he knew that drinking on these meds was a bad idea. He knew. He agreed with me that “it got him in this mess” but he didn’t care. “The way I see it, I don’t have too much longer anyway. I might as well enjoy my time left.”

That’s the exact way I want to be remembered by my kids and grandkids as I fade into a hepatic encephalopathy induced coma — a drunken idiot.

Walgreen’s stopped selling booze because of “ethical dilemmas,” yet still sells cigarettes and Spiriva. My store still sells booze and cigarettes. I’m glad they do — I don’t wanna make another stop to get some beer after work. But, I would expect a responsible person with cirrhosis to not purchase alcohol and a person with COPD or emphysema to not purchase another pack of Marlboro Reds.

A mistake is only a mistake if you refuse to correct it.

What to write about today? TV and Baseball!

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Baseball, Television

Let’s talk about television, as today was another same-ole same-old day. No super dick moves out of me recently — at least humorous ones towards the customer.

Here’s a quick list of my TOP 6 favorite TV Shows:
House, MD
The Andy Griffith Show
The Colbert Report
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Family Guy
South Park

I like House because he acts exactly like me, though I am not nearly as smart. He is rude, brash, abrasive, and simply doesn’t require the approval of others to reach his goal (which is merely solving the puzzle — not saving a life.) I do value human life quite a bit more, however. I also enjoy the fact that I fully comprehend 99% of what they are talking about. The show’s writers and producers make no effort to explain acronyms, tests, diagnosis, etc — and the way the show is formatted it simply doesn’t matter to the average viewer which will not have a clue that “by administering IFN-alfa2a with Ribavirin over 24 weeks we can help reduce transaminases, reduce HCV-RNA Viral Load, and slow progression to fulminant Hep-C (rare), cirrhosis, or death.” It’s a great show with limitless potential for subject matter. Hugh Laurie is also perfect for the role — His American accent is flawless. Ever see him on a talk show? Hard-core British accent…

The Andy Griffith Show has been a favorite of mine since I was a child watching it with my old man. He grew up when the episodes were “new” — while I’ve never viewed a Black and White show having a first airing in my lifetime. The show makes me wish times were simpler, the pace of life was slower, and people cared (or even knew) about their neighbor. The local pharmacist was a woman (which would have been unheard of during that time), but she made rootbeer floats, deliveries, and ran her own business without the hurdles of big pharma, insurance companies, and customers with a rush-rush-rush attitude wanting something for nothing (and their antibiotics for free).

The Colbert Report is a very funny show. I think his announcement that he is running for President is probably one of the best publicity stunts of my generation. I know that if he can get the 18-26 year olds to register and vote, he could feasibly win…but I don’t think that we’ll see “Man of the Year” coming to fruition in 2008.

Star Trek: The Next Generation has long been a favorite of mine…My friends make fun of me for it, but I stand by my choice. I think in the generations to come, some of the technologies they utilize will actually be available (recent discoveries were just made in terms of quantum mechanics and transportation — they can transfer energy from one object to another object in a different location…but it destroys the first object…It’s a start!). I have always been facinated with the stars, galaxies, and potential for life outside of earth. I’d hope to meet a Vulcan someday, but I don’t know about that.

Family Guy was one of my favorite shows before it was cancelled from the Fox lineup the first time. I own all the DVD sets, and think it is hilarious. I’d also consider putting South Park above it at times, but the types of humor and content of the shows are each completely different. SP has the ability to focus on current topics since they utilize computers to generate the show. The show that was just aired could have been completed earlier that day. Regardless, Stewie is likely my favorite animated character ever. I just love the intelligent humor they portray through him, as well as the grotesque humor they use — like making him sexually-curious. Considering South Park, I really like the messages they are putting out there. They’ve grown from poop jokes to political humor and analysis without forgetting their roots and still throwing in the occasional fart joke for good measure. Some don’t like their “new format” — but I’m content with the fact that I am entertained with 30 minutes…

-=+=-

Congrats to the Red Sox fans…I could’ve cared less if they won or lost…as long as the Yankees are as far away from first as possible, I’m happy.

I woulda like to see the Rockies win a game, but they peaked to early.

I’m also pleased that Johnny Damon shaved and got a haircut, but ultimately picked the wrong pony. Sure, he got a raise…but he ain’t got a World Series ring…prick…

Happy Filling…
The Angriest Pharmacist

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I’m back, son…

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Me being a dick, Stupid People, True Story, Update, Work Sucks

Okay, I’ve been a little negligent on posting as of late. I’m still having some trouble with the new version of wordpress. A bunch of the old plugins I really likely no longer worked. It may be due to the somewhat obscure theme I’m using, but I’m not exactly sure. Most specifically, the poll option was completely fucked…so I removed it. I hope to replace it, but I’m not sure of how right now.

I’ve also included a little plugin on the far right that lists the most popular posts based on number of comments, but that looks like shit. The white font is very undesirable. I’ve tried editing the code of the plugin, but that hasn’t worked either. I will likely just scrap that for now too until I can find a plugin with more functionality in terms of editing the font face and color. I’m not smart enough to write my own.

-=+=-

As for pharmacy, not a lot going on as of late. I’ve been rather sick, lately. I have the luxury of having another pharmacist “owe me one” — so I cashed that in recently. I have him work for me a day that he was off and I was scheduled. Essentially, I called in sick the day before, but it all evened out since he owed me a day/shift. Most don’t have that option…neener neener neener.

I had a schizo guy lose his shit in my pharmacy. That was interesting. What happened? He had a bottle with one refill on it. He presented a new script for the exact same thing and one additional refill. I know, ideally, I should D/C the old one and fill off the new Rx. I figured I’d be nice and let him have all three refills.

This guy could not understand the concept of me filling the refill and placing the prescription on hold for him with two refills. I explained it 4 times and he still continued to ask me to “go through it one more time just so he would understand it.” I went so far as writing a note with the Rx Numbers, number of refills, and the specific dates he could fill each of them. He couldn’t get it.

I freaking lost it. I asked him what he didn’t understand. He couldn’t even tell me what he didn’t comprehend. I finally explained it like this, “Listen…here’s what I want you to do. You take this bottle home with you [presenting him with the Rx he just paid for] and I want you to take ONE of these tablets each day. When you don’t have any more tablets left I want you to call me at this store. Tell me your bottle is empty. I will then fill the prescription again. You can then come in and pick it up. Don’t worry about anything else we’ve talked about — I’ll take care of it.”

He accepted that. I should’ve said that the whole time. The real bitch of it is: this guy went home having absolutely no clue what was going on…regardless of what I tell him. Hell, this guy was so fucked up, I bet he didn’t even remember coming to the pharmacy.

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