The life and times of a pharmacist

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as GUEST CONTRIBUTOR

I got this emailed to me by “E” — I did not write this.
Source: The Angry Pharmacist

Theres a lot of things that you will experience once you’re a pharmacist:
You’ll be asked questions.
You’ll be praised.
You’ll be thanked.
You’ll see children grow up.
You’ll see grandparents pass away.
You’ll be the person to translate between medical speak and common english.
You’ll give relief to an nervous mother.
You’ll give people hope who have none.
You’ll smile.
You’ll laugh.
You’ll joke with your patients.
You’ll see your patients go to the prom.
You’ll dispense that Plan B Rx to that girl who was in diapers just last week (so you thought).
You’ll be asked questions that involve the word penis and vagina.
You’ll be asked to look at rashes, and pink eye, and wounds.
You’ll be trusted when their doctors cannot be.
You’ll save lives.
You’ll drive a nice car, have a house, and a good living.
You’ll be hounded by family and friends for advice.
You’ll be the first to hear about test results and what they mean.
You’ll be the most trusted person in most people’s lives.

However………………………..

You’ll be bitched at.
You’ll be taken for granted.
You’ll be the target of angry words, attacks, and threats.
You’ll be lied to.
You’ll be bullshitted.
You’ll be overworked and understaffed.
You’ll have no gratification from the people who owe you their lives and well being.
You’ll be used.
You’ll see the shit at the bottom of the pond of society.
You’ll (somehow) be the person responsible for slavery, poverty, and all that is evil in the world.
You’ll be cried at one min, and yelled at the next when you wont fill Soma early.
You’ll be the target of con scams, stories, and shit.
You’ll become callous and jaded to the world around you.
You’ll see not things as right and wrong, but truth and bullshit.
You’ll be able to tell a crackhead the moment they walk in the front door.
You’ll see addiction, thievery, and diversion.
You wont have one min to yourself without being interrupted by an idiot.
You’ll see stupidity.
You’ll get a gun shoved in your face for money or narcotics.
You’ll be the target of crime and theft.
Your car will be stolen or vandalized or hit in the parking lot by someone with no license, no insurance, and is here illegally (but gets more health benefits than you, on your tax dollar).
You’ll sit there powerless to do anything about an addict because you lack proof.
You’ll see crooked doctors write out gallons of Vicodin and get away with it.
You’ll get audited by insurance companies and the DEA and the state board over stupid shit.
You’ll see doctors who will rather listen to a big boobed drug rep than you.
You’ll be fucked over by the chains and mail order pharmacies who are supposed to be on your side.
You’ll get shafted by insurance companies.
You’ll see that AWP-25% + 1.50 and think its a good deal.
You’ll be left on hold for an hour because the doctors office is too cheap to buy a fax machine.
You’ll deal with ignorant doctor office staff who should be cleaning toilets than calling in prescriptions. You’ll get orders wrong because the fucking nurse cant speak clear english.
You’ll get a glimmer of happiness when you see a cash customer, only to have it be snuffed out when he wants his Rx’s transfered to a mail order pharmacy because its ‘cheaper’ (after you did all the work to fill them).
Your time will be worth nothing to the patients.
You’ll get mad.
You’ll get frustrated.
You’ll consider going on medication.
You’ll go on medication.
And at the end of the day, when you get home and stare down at the bottom of that third glass of gin; you’ll wonder why in the fuck you went to school to deal with this.
Remember, 98% of the world are good people, but it just takes a fraction of the 2% of assholes to really ruin your day.

Weirdest Fake Scripts EVER

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Doctors, Drug Seekers, Me being a dick, Polls, Stupid People, True Story, Work Sucks

As you might have noticed, there’s been a new poll up for the last few days. It replaced the PRESIDENCY POLL — which makes me think that The Angry Pharmacist and I should throw our hats in the 2008 Presidential election for the Libertarian Party. I’m sure we’d do a little better than Bob Barr and his Pedo Smile and creepy mustache. The final tally on the presidential poll was 41% (75 Votes) Obama/Biden - 33% (61 Votes) Angry/Angriest — 26% (48 votes) McCain/Palin. I think the Democratic swing on the side is due to the high salaries of readers — mostly pharmacists. Any more analysis than that, we’ll leave to the DrugMonkey.

So, the poll was over Fake Scripts — either phoned in and caught or brought in and easily identified. We’ve all seen a #20 from an ER Doc magically turning into #200. As if that’s not easy to bust. We’ve seen script pads stolen. I’ve even seen a crack head bring in a fake Rx for Vicodeen (spelled like that) on a Wendy’s napkin. Most of the time, their busted on nomenclature, getting greedy and writing for an exhorbant quantity, or having problems in the past and getting the old *VERIFY CONTROLS* written as their middle name.

I recently had a very original fake script come in. It was for a duo of people that I’ve had problems with in the past getting early refills, but I did not know they were in cahoots. The first was on my radar for early refills and multiple ER visits. The second was on my radar for early fills and being a bitch when she dropped her vicodin in the toilet, and I refused to give a shit.

NOTE: THESE PATIENT NAMES AND DOCTOR NAMES ARE MADE UP. The real patient and doctor names made sense — they were real people, in the computer, and the doctor was one that the patients had each seen before. Hence why I was able to call the doctor’s office to verify the scripts — I can’t believe I have to explain that…retards have learned how to use the internet apparently.

The first script came in on the voicemail at around 10am:
Missy Elliott (DOB 7-1-71)
Metronidazole 500mg po BID x7d #qs
Vagifem 25mcg 1 PV hs #36
Dr. Kobe Bryant (555-1234) [Roberta on Voicemail]

While this didn’t immediately set off any alarms, I thought the Vagifem quantity was a little high. I looked up the dosing and saw that it was once daily for 2 weeks then one bi-weekly. So, that is a 90 day supply. Her insurance paid adjudicated, so I didn’t really care.

The second script came in on the voicemail at around 11am:
Vanessa Hudgens (DOB 12-14-88)
Metronidazole 750mg po daily for 21 days.
Dr. Kobe Bryant (555-1234) [Roberta on Voicemail]

That one didn’t really set off the alarm, but I did call to confirm. I’d never seen oral Metronidazole used like that for such a long period of time. Ten days is usually sufficient. Some bugs require TID dosing of the 750mg tabs, but 21 days? I decided to call and have them double check with the doc. I had no intentions of caring about the first script — just the second. The first was already filled sitting in the bin.

So, I called and they looked and looked and found no record of that patient being seen since September 2007. They also had no nurse or receptionist working there by the name of Roberta (or anything similar). Now, my bullshit meter was on high alert. I immediately grabbed the other script and had them look up that patient. She had NEVER been seen by that office. They searched their computer both patients by name and birthdate.

The Drug Seekers have evolved. Rather than start out with the nuts, they shot for some antibiotics — to get it in their profile that they had seen that specific doctor who phone in an Rx for them, filled it, and picked it up. Busted, bitches! They were testing us — to see if they could sneak that by us. I’d bet my house that a Norco script was going to be called in later that week.

So, I alerted that office of the names/birthdays of these bitches. I also put a note in their profile that they are not allowed to have controlled meds filled at my pharmacy. The office staff was going to mass-fax every doctor and pharmacy in the area alerting them to this shit.

Let’s see those bitches get a controlled script filled in this town again without it being scrutinized, verified, and checked arduously by the techs and pharmacists.

As a follow up, I called both patients with the numbers I had on file, and as I expected, both were disconnected.

You can’t make this up

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Work Sucks

Pharmacy Mike has posted quite possibly the funniest anecdote I’ve ever read. I apologize to him for not asking permission to reproduce this here, but I’m sure he won’t mind. You can read the rest of his post HERE.

…I get a call from an 85-year woman looking to refill her prescription. I asked if she had her prescription number. She said yes. The next thing I heard was “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.” Yes, she was dialing the prescription number into the phone as if I could decipher the touchtone sounds. I couldn’t help but laugh. While she was dialing away, I did my best to suppress my laughter and literally started yelling into the phone, “NO, SPEAK THE NUMBER TO ME!” A hot girl who was at the counter picking up a prescription started laughing at me before rolling her eyes and walking away. Alas, the elderly woman could not hear my desperate pleas, and it took about 2 minutes before I could get her attention. I honestly think she thought she was speaking to a machine the entire time.

You just can’t make that shit up. How funny is that?

Anyone else ever had that happen to them? Lemme guess, the script was for Aricept…

Walgreens Bashing FOOL - UPDATED!

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as Doctors, Education, Errors, Patient Education, Stupid People

I recently got this crackpot email from a certifiably insane man by the name of Leroy Jacobs (leroyjacobs@mail.com). It was long, full of colorful text, and lots of space. What was it about? It was about how Walgreens Co. is directly responsible for the deaths of many citizens — it listed their names, the lawsuit number (where the person’s family sued — NOT criminal charges, mind you). It even listed exact numbers on how many people Walgreens killed during the last 4 years with the ominous words, “ARE YOU NEXT?” printed under it. Since it is so long, I have saved the document as a PDF. You can open the document here. You can visit the website LEROY claims to own HERE

Before I give my view on this, let me say this: I do NOT work for Walgreens. I worked for Walgreens for one (1) semester in college, and I quit because I did not have enough time to work at the time. If anything, I hate Walgreens. I believe that this adds more weight to my beliefs in that Leroy Jacobs is a crazy asshole with a vendetta.

This guy has sent me stuff like this before. In the past, I just deleted it as it is asinine. This time, I called him out on it. Here’s my initial reply:

Leroy,
I’m not sure what your vendetta is against Walgreens, but I do not agree
with the way you are going about this at all. Every pharmacist in America has
had a misfill happened to them. Some of us have been responsible for this misfill
making someone sick — some have even killed a person as a direct result of
the misfill. It is always regrettable — whether someone is injured or not.

However, you CANNOT blame this on Walgreens entirely. Pharmacists
are ultimately responsible for what goes out the door, not the corporate
entity. Walgreens may be responsible for having understaffed stores and
making workflow too fast for some pharmacists — but the pharmacist is
charged with working at the speed they feel comfortable…even if that means
a 2 hour wait. It is not the fault of the corporation, and I’m sorry that you do
not completely understand that.

I also think that you are making a huge deal out of a small number of
bad instances. While one misfill is too many (especially one that kills a
person or animal), we fill more than 3-4 BILLION prescriptions each year
in the USA. I want you to impartially look at these posts then reanalyze what
you are trying to accomplish with these smear campaigns.

http://www.theangriestpharmacist.com/2008/02/26/the-real-numbers/
http://www.theangriestpharmacist.com/2008/02/26/my-letter-to-the-usa-today-journalists/

I can’t believe defending a business that I absolutely loathe (and quit working
for after one semester in pharmacy school), but I do not agree with your tactics.

So, I feel like I made some valid points in my email. I mean, this guy is blaming Walgreens, the Corporation, for the misfills a pharmacist is responsible for letting out the door.

Note: I am not trying to invalidate the death of the people listed below. I am not trying to say that their life is worth any less than anyone else’s life. I am merely trying to show that it is the responsibility of the pharmacist to ensure that people achieve the best results from their medicines, and that it is the pharmacist that is responsible for the medicine that leaves the pharmacy — ensuring that it is the right med, right person, right dose, right strength, et al. I’m merely trying to show that it is NOT the fault of the pharmacy owners or corporate entity.

Let’s take a look at the merit of these cases:
1. Leonard Kulisek died Nov 2002 of MENTAL ANGUISH AND DISFIGUREMENT.
- I was not aware that someone could die of mental anguish and/or disfigurement. His FAMILY was awarded 31 MILLION dollars. A Google search says that the man was given Diabetes Medication instead of Gout Medication and died of renal failure — after already being on the brink of death it seems. While the names of the medications are unknown, Allopurinol could exacerbate hepatic and/or renal failure (monitoring and dosage reductions are needed for both). Colchicine is metabolized by the liver and eliminated 10-20% unchanged by the kidneys. It’s not unreasonable to think that EITHER of these medications could cause problems in an ill person — especially Colchicine due to the incidence of blood dysgrasias — which shouldn’t have been given to him anyway.

2. Patricia Rees died May 2006 after “SKIN FELL OFF.”
- I was not aware that one’s skin could just fall off. Mine is pretty well attached. No information could be found on this case via Google search. Maybe her name is misspelled; maybe this is entirely made up. Who knows? I bet LEROY JACOBS DOES!

3. Beth Hippely died Jan 2007 of BREAST CANCER.
- I’m not sure how Walgreens is responsible for someone dying of Breast Cancer. Women (and men) have been dying of cancer in the breast forever. Google search turned up that she was given a Coumadin dose 10-times more than was intended. ABC News pins this on a 19-year old pharmacy technician. Well, that’s fucking bullshit. It is not the job or purpose of the pharmacy technician to prevent errors getting out the door. It is the pharmacist’s job to verify that the right drug, right dose, right everything get to the right person. While the techs play a role in this system, the burden is not on their shoulders. How DARE anyone lay this on the shoulders of a mere college freshman. Anyway, the high dose cause her to have a massive stroke (I think hemorrhage would be a more appropriate word, but that’s semantics). This incident cause her doctor’s to discontinue her chemotherapy causing her breast cancer to ultimately kill her. Well, that’s a hell of a line of thought to blame Walgreens, now isn’t it. Why don’t we blame Anheuiser Busch In-Bev for the deaths of thousands? Someone gets drunk, drives, and hits a bicyclist who dies. It’s the same train of thought this jury had. Sad? Yes. Fault of pharmacist? Yes. Fault of Walgreens? No.

4. Alexandra Gerhke suffered PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE at 7 months old.
- Pharmacist dispensed Glipizide tablets instead of Phenobarbital tablets. First off, these two drugs are nowhere near each other when stored in the pharmacy. Secondly, how in the fuck did they give tablets to a baby? Obviously, the pharmacist compounded this — Making this misfill even more eggregous. Nonetheless, it was the fault of the PHARMACIST — not the fault of Walgreens Co.

5. Eric Warren died Dec 2002 from “POISONOUS DRUGS INTERACTION TRAMADOL & METHADONE”
- For such heinous accusations, the guy has poor grammar and no concept of medicine. Firstly, why was the man given methadone — what is it usually given for? Opiate Addition? Ding! Ding! Ding! So, you’re telling me this guy was addicted to Tramadol, given Methadone to get off the tramadol, then died from the combination? I get it. Do you see the problem? He’s a fucking addict — he could have died from either one alone. Should he have been educated about the combination? Yes. However, I contend that if you take one of each, or even two of each, you will not die. Especially if you have an opiate tolerance built up as would someone on Methadone. This guy took a handful of each and died of the subsequent respiratory depression. He should have had some ownership of his own medical therapy. This death cannot be entirely the fault of the non-educating pharmacist…and it sure as shit isn’t the fault of Walgreens Corporation.

6. Chanda Givens (baby) died April 2007 after mother was given “potent chemotherapy drug instead of Materna, a prenatal vitamin“.
- She was given Matulane (Procarbazine) instead. There’s no reason for this. For fuck’s sake, I’d never even heard of Matulane, but I sure as shit can tell the difference between the two. This makes me wonder, however, if perhaps the doctor’s handwriting fucking sucked.

7. Terry Paul Smith died July 2001 of METHADONE POISONING.
- This is another case where I believe patient’s must play a role in their healthcare. USA Today says that Smith took 22 pills over a day and a half’s time (after trying and failing various other painkillers like NEURONTIN and oxycontin — yes, USA Today called Neurontin a painkiller). Why? Because the directions said “Take 4 tablets by mouth twice daily as needed” instead of “Take 4 tablets by mouth twice daily.” — The OBRA-90 requirements were met as testified by the patient. So, the words AS NEEDED (which are always on pain medicine prescriptions) are the reason for the overdose — whereas they are usually the reason people DO NOT OD. I don’t fucking get it. We put as needed, people OD because it means they can take it whenever the fuck they want. We don’t put as needed, people OD because it means they can take it whenever the fuck they want. You can’t have both sides of the road sue-happy Americans. You’re not cyclists.

8. Devon J Alvarez (toddler) died October 2001.
- The cause of death was dextromethorphan intoxication. This one proves that this fucking prick, Leroy Jacobs, is merely out to get Walgreens. This child’s parents took him to the doctor. The doctor told them to get some OTC Infant Cough and Cold Product. Mommy followed the directions the doctor gave her — and gave the child the suggested amount. Devon’s body could simply not metabolize dextromethorphan for whatever reason. He died because of a physiological insufficiency — not because ANYTHING Walgreens pharmacists, technicians, cashiers, maintenance men, shelf stockers, or managers did. Fuck, for all we know, they didn’t even buy the medicine at WAG! This is pure libel — and this dickhead is peddling it around the internet as fact.

Now, as you see, I have debunked several of these little Walgreens-Induced-Deaths. I have proven that Leroy Jacobs is a dumbass. I have proven that he has a vendetta — I assume because they refused to fill is Vicodin and Soma early. What does he have to say about all this?

~lj

and subsequently:

So, I replied with the names of those I’ve conversed with on the blogosphere and would consider respectable pharmacist/colleagues. I merely assumed that they would side with me — I also made fun of his name via a World of Warcraft Video from a few years ago:

The Angry Pharmacist, Pharmacy God, Jim Plagakis, Paul
Trusten (The Ole Apothecary), Pharmacy Chick, and everyone
else out there in the pharmacy blogosphere.

You see, we pharmacists have common sense. We don’t approve
of today’s sue-happy mentality of today’s society — which is exactly
what you are promoting.

Every other pharmacist in the free world would see right through
what you are attempting to do.

LEEEEROOOOYYYY JEEEEENKIIIINNSSSS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU

He didn’t quite enjoy my reply I assume — based on his curt reply:

~lj

Well, Leroy, they’ve seen it now. I’m sure they’ll enjoy reading this note. I’m positive that all my fellow pharmacy bloggers and the readers of this site will chime in with some biting comments towards what you’re doing — analyzing your motives along with my valid, cited explanations. Perhaps next time, you’ll review what your sending out, include a few sources, or think about trying this one: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

People like Leroy Jacobs and those he inspires are the reason healthcare costs are so high in America. He’s pretty much instructing people to sue — “LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY THESE PEOPLE MADE OFF WALGREENS! YOU CAN GET A PIECE OF THE PIE — AND MOVE TO A DELUXE APARTMENT IN THE SKY!”

What I don’t get is, why Walgreens? Every chain has misfills. I’d bet every chain has killed someone because of a misfill. I wonder what Walgreens did to LJ — shit in his cornflakes? More importantly, I wonder where LJ plans on getting his child’s prescriptions filled.

UPDATE

I’ve discovered the vendetta. See this link: http://www.pharmacychoice.com/News/article.cfm?Article_ID=48931 — It would seem that ‘Leroy Jacobs’ could be an alias for Bruce Johnson, 44, who sued WALGREENS for racial discrimination in February 2007. In the suit, 4 men claimed that a WALGREENS photo lab clerk shouted a racial slur at them, slammed a door (OOOHHH THAT BIGOT!), and denied them service after they complained about the quality of their photos in 2003.

The jury deliberated for less than an hour before ruling for WAG after suffering through 7 days of this baseless testimony.  Their lawyer was quoted as saying they would accept $1 as justice served but deserved millions. Wow - millions for being called a racial slur. I just heard Chris Rock say it on television 250 times in a one-hour special…and these guys wanted millions? Fucking sue-happy society — just as they are trying achieve with their libel against WAG. They didn’t win their case, so they want to make damn sure WAG has the worst image possible — so someone else sues and wins the battle that they tried to fight and lost (cause their case had no merit).

Johnson, a gospel singer, said pursuit of justice in the case became his calling and he launched a Web site, stopalldiscrimination.com, to help others facing a similar plight.

“Every time somebody has a bad experience, you can’t sue. Every time somebody does something you don’t like, you can’t sue and try to turn it into money,” Clark Vellis, atty for WAG said in his closing argument.

Leroy has replied to my email — after he crawled out of his hole of course:

~lj

So, angry from lack of sleep, pissed from his non-existant rebuttal, I tore into Leroy with a vengeance.

I don’t care about this case — you lost. What difference does it make? Your allegations were bogus, and the jury saw through your shit.

You need to reevaluate what your goal is with all this. You also need to look at your methods and whom they may hurt.

You are presenting this as if Walgreens is the only enemy on your radar. If you are going to talk about misfills spread it around. Everyone does it. I don’t care that you make a big deal out of it. I wish there was a public education campaign, but, there’s not. Maybe you can serve as that outlet - but you need to shift gears
a bit. You have a chubby to make WAG look bad, and that’s bullshit. It’s the PHARMACIST’S fault for these misfills. You think I’m sticking up for my colleagues? No way — throw them under the truck when they make an atrocious mistake due to their ineptitude.

I’m glad you finally said your against WAG, but the point is, you are blaming WAG for something that is NOT THEIR FUCKING FAULT.

Motherfucker’s like you sue the  company, the man, some other coworker just because, the mcdonalds down the street, and the grocery store the plantiff frequents. You are the lowest common denominator. You can’t even respond eloquently to my posts or thoughts. You have replied with single sentences — yet to explain yourself except with the PDF of your putrid case.

Don’t fucking email me ever again. I don’t even want to hear from you.
You’re dead to me, Leroy Jacobs. DEAD!

SAVE TOPFIVE!

Posted by The *Angriest* Pharmacist as --Not Pharmacy--, Blogs I like

TopFive.com is an original — the pioneer of online comedy. Manned by Chris White of Hollywood, CA, Topfive and it’s contribu-core have been pumping out gut busting comedy in the form of Letterman style Top Ten lists (often containing up to 20 items) since 1993.

I’ve been a subscriber to Topfive and it’s Jack Handy-type comedy genre Ruminations since 1996 or so. When they unveiled ClubTop5, an ad-free extended version of the lists, I immediately upgraded. In addition to the big list, there is also a spinoff version called Little Fivers which are more targeted. From College Life to Medicine to WTF, there’s a Little Fiver for everyone. They’re a little smaller — limited to 10 or less entries and published just once weekly, but they are FREE for all to enjoy.

Due to the recent economic crunch and the plethora of unfunny copycats, TopFive has hit economic hardship. But, they aren’t going down without a fight. CW and the contribu-core are working hard to right the ship. In a few short months, The Humor Institute will be born and the phoenix of TopFive will live on.

I’ve done my part — I sponsored a Rumination and a Topfive list on October 13, 2008. The lists are published below. Please visit the site, enjoy the material, and consider donating to keep this age-old brand of comedy coming to my inbox daily!

-=+=-

Who’s helping to save TopFive?
Today, it’s The Angriest Pharmacist!

-=++=-

The Angriest Pharmacist

The life and times of a licensed,
professional pharmacist in the trenches
– also known as the retail pharmacy.

A slice of humor dispensed in daily anecdotes.
As always, take with plenty of alcohol.

http://TheAngriestPharmacist.com

-=++=-

Help save TopFive!
http://www.topfive.com/savetopfive.html

TopFive is currently in re-runs as we work on the new website.

============================================
C  L  U  B  T  O  P  5
Moderator carries less than $20 cash.
============================================

January 21, 2000

The Top 14 Signs Your Presidential
Candidate Is Under-Qualified

14> Resolves to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.

13> Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen’s character
on “The West Wing.”

12> His number 1 choice to work on his cabinet?  “That
Bob Vila guy.”

11> Doesn’t seem to understand that having been “held prisoner”
in county lockup for two days for public urination does
*not* make him a war hero.

10> Occasionally stops campaign speeches to ask, “Hey!  Who’s
frying balogna in here?”

9> Supports NRA — because “‘Straight Outta Compton’ was dope!”

8> Outstanding record as governor of Rhode Island nullified
by the fact that no one really cares.

7> Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers
with a chocolate donut.

6> Still asks “The state or the DC thingie?” anytime somebody
mentions Washington.

5> At the debates, answers every question with a snarled,
“You wanna wrestle?!?”

4> Attempts to use a lifeline on the very first question of the
debate.

3> Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu
refugees once and for all.

2> Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then
shouts, “I win!”

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign Your
Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified…

1> At press conferences, only calls on “the hot chick in the red
dress” and “the whiny Jew in the back.”

[  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]
[   Copyright 2000 by Chris White    ]

====================================================
“2000 Flushes”    and    “Master Debaters”
The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions
for today’s list come later in this message.
====================================================
Selected from 322 submissions from 112 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:
——————————————————————
Strongbow Wolfrider, San Diego, CA       –  1  (Woo-hoo!)
Lesa Whyte, Seattle, WA                  –  2
Dakota Shepard, New Haven, CT            –  3
Rob Carraway, Sanford, FL                –  4
Mike Scheinberg, Arlington, VA           –  4
Barb Silvey & Brad Preston, Spokane, WA  –  5
Chris Jones, Snellville, GA              –  6
Chris LeSure, Ellington, CT              –  7
Bill Coburn, Long Creek, SC              –  8
Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA            –  9
Britt Green, Eugene, OR                  — 10
Evan Austill, Jr., Mobile, AL            — 11
Matt Reinaker, Lancaster, PA             — 11
Dennis Sullivan, Lilburn, GA             — 12
Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA            — 13
Andy Barrett, Lake Oswego, OR            — 14
Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY             — Banner Tag
Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ            — Runner Up list name
Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX             — Honorable Mention name
Chris White, New York, NY                — List owner/editor
The Presidents of the United States of America   — Ambience
–> Ambience explained: http://www.topfive.com/arcs/am012000.shtml

====================================================

~~~~  The http://www.Amused.com Too Much Fun Link of the Day!  ~~~

My Dad Is a Graphic Designer
http://www.popularemails.com/mydadisagraphicdesigner.htm

====================================================

–==++   Ruminations   ++==–

The advantage of being born a long time ago
is that you could say something simple like,
“I think, therefore I am,” and become famous.
The disadvantage, I guess, is that now you’re dead.

(William Dahmer)

I am at one with my duality.
But I’m duplicitous about my multiplicity.

(Janne Burke)

Bologna is just an excuse to eats lots of mustard.

(Labbat Bleue)

-=+=–=+=-

BAD Rumination of the Day
(Submitted *as is* to the Ruminations list)

Understand that which is not for with out,
you can never truly understand that which is.

(Dathinkr)

=====================================================

The Runners Up & Honorable Mention submissions
Runners up were almost good enough to make the main list,
but got edged out by other submissions.  Honorable mentions
were good enough to still deserve some recognition.

——————————————————————
Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified
RUNNERS UP list  –  2000 Flushes
——————————————————————

Campaign consultant is a smiley face drawn on his index finger.
(Joe Clifford Faust, Canton, OH)

Lets Tipper choose the inauguration music.
(Dakota Shepard, New Haven, CT)

For some reason, his economic policy involves “buying all the
Cheetos I can get my hands on.”
(Steven Bevier, Grand Rapids, MI)

Can name more Backstreet Boys than world leaders.
(Julie Quinn, Lakeside, CA)

All too graphic “Here’s the Beef!” campaign posters.
(Mark M. Sawh, whereabouts unknown)

Deeply concerned about the longstanding civil unrest on “The View.”
(Jane Murphy, New York, NY)

Speeches are peppered with uncredited witticisms written by Top5
rookie Paul Monne.
(Paul Monne, Brantford, Ontario, Canada)

Fully stocked war chest and many well connected friends?  Check.
Excellent face and name recognition with the voting public?  Check.
Dumped Madonna to knock up Annette Bening?  Uh-Oh.
(Paul Monne, Brantford, Ontario, Canada)

Side effects from years of rampant coke-snorting guarantee that
female interns are 100% harassment-free!
(Dakota Shepard, New Haven, CT)

Has never smoked pot, has never had an affair, and has a voice
which cannot be imitated easily by a Saturday Night Live cast member.
(Mike Peterson, whereabouts unknown)
(Paul Ogata, Pearl City, HA)

Closest he ever came to an affair was getting a PB&J from the
cafeteria intern.
(Steve Spezzano, whereabouts unknown)

Yes, they’ve got a foolproof plan for national health care.
True, they’ve got a solution regarding gays in the military and
women in combat.  Ok, so they’ve got a plan for eliminating the
national debt in 3 years. Still, there’s no way in hell you’re
punching in on the Kenny G./John Tesh ticket.
(Strongbow Wolfrider, San Diego, CA)

Lists “Captain, Detox Centre volleyball squad” under “Leadership
Experience.”
(Bill Galloway, Guelph, Ontario, Canada)

Campaign slogan is, “Who’s the leader of the land that was made
for you and me?”
(Bill Coburn, Long Creek, SC)

His plan for dealing with the homeless involves far too many
references to “good ol’ fashioned ass-whoopin’s.”
(Bob Roth, whereabouts unknown)

His health care plan relies heavily on Band-Aids and Robitussin.
(Bryan Antman, Philadelphia, PA)

Refuses to campaign in the western states because he fears
“them pesky Injuns.”
(Brian Reddoch, Seattle, WA)

While other candidates steal their jokes from high quality humor
lists, yours steals his from Bazooka Joe comics.
(Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA)

When asked his position on the new abortion bill, thoughtfully
responds, “Well, I suppose I’ll just have to pay it!”
(Michael DiMuro, Middle Village, NY)

Favorite Political Philosopher:  “That dude on ‘Kung Fu’”
(Eric Thompson, Austin, TX)

Twenty years ago?  His closest aides don’t even know what the
hell he did two *weeks* ago.
(Mitch Shaw, whereabouts unknown)

The other candidates: In the back pockets of multi-billion dollar
corporations and special interests who pour millions of dollars
into election coffers.
Your candidate: In the back pocket of the guy who lets him into
the strip club without paying the cover charge.
(Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA)

Runner Up list name
(Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ)

——————————————————————
Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified
HONORABLE MENTION list  –  Master Debaters
——————————————————————

Fights for control of the party… The Reform Party.
(Rob Carraway, Sanford, FL)

His first business deal? Logs on to Ebay to trade Oregon and
Maryland for the rare Beanie Baby, Maple.
(Amanda K., Nepean, Ontario, Canada)

When asked what makes him qualified to hold the job of president,
he proclaims proudly, “Last night I stayed at a Holiday Inn!!”
(”spladow”, whereabouts unknown)

Number 1 campaign promise:  soda in the drinking fountains
(Andy Barrett, Lake Oswego, OR)

He gives a rather bizarre gives new meaning to the phrase “press
the flesh.”
(Ali Kleeb, Greensboro, NC)

The only reason that anyone knows who he is?  Almost the same name
as a former US President!
(Anna L. Juarez, Deming, NM)

The press spots him at Blockbuster renting Schoolhouse Rock’s
“I’m Just a Bill.”
(Maggie Baker, Austin, TX)

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my running mate, Admiral
James Stockdale.”
(Bill Hewins, Ft. Thomas, KY)
(Steve Skaggs, Louisville, KY)

Truly believes having Big Bird as a running mate will increase
his popularity with the younger voters.
(Brandon Eldridge, Sikeston, MO)

Brags, “Hear that honey? He’s talkin’ bout me!” at a Jeff
Foxworthy show.
(Brandon Eldridge, Sikeston, MO)

His puns are more than witty and you’re finding yourself actually
laughing at some of his jokes.
(Brandy Warden, Canton, MI)

Campaign buttons say, “I got Whammied at Louie’s - South Padre
Island” with “Louie’s” scratched out and replaced with his name.
(Brendan Loughrey, Saint Paul, MN)

Loves to quote JFK’s second inaugural speech.
(Bryan Antman, Philadelphia, PA)

Not only inhaled, he drank the bong water.
(Chris Irby, Dallas, TX)

Sees presidency as a springboard to “one of them cool Secret
Service jobs.”
(Chris Jones, Snellville, GA)

Claims that, “If Yeltsin can do it drunk, then I can sure as hell
do it naked from the waist down!”
(Chris LeSure, Ellington, CT)

Says his first order of action will be to suspend congress daily
so not to miss reruns of “Saved by the Bell.”
(Chris LeSure, Ellington, CT)

Became confused during debate and repeatedly referred to moderator
Cokie Roberts as “Judge Judy.”
(Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA)

When the red light comes on during television debates, experiences
the “Cindy Brady Freeze-Up” effect.
(Darin Carr, Lexington, KY)

Believes “atomic head-drop” will move the mid-East peace talks
along.
(Pete Gitlin, Phoenix, AZ)

Campaign funded entirely by bake sales.
(Gretchen Crumpacker, Newport Beach, CA)

He’s raised $400 million — you’d think he’d have the brains to
lie like a *real* candidate when someone asks about drug use.
(Caleb Ronsen, whereabouts unknown)

Asks for a teleprompter to read the Pledge of Allegiance
(Jeffrey Lampert, Hoffman Estates, IL)

His first campaign promise is to get his GED.
(Sorace Lawrence, whereabouts unknown)

Used to wear a feather boa — yet has never been a professional
wrestler.
(Joe Spampinato, San Francisco, CA)

Giggles whenever someone says, “caucus.”
(Lesa Whyte, Seattle, WA)
(Tom Caldwell, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada)

He allows his wife to tamper with the first amendment before
he’s even Vice President.
(Leslie Cheung, Santa Cruz, CA)

He *can* spell “potato” — but not much else.
(Mark Spence, Mountain View, CA)

Begins oath of office with, “I, state your name, do solemnly
swear…”
(Matt Reinaker, Lancaster, PA)

Thinks “foreign policy” is a “guidebook for the politically
correct way to refer to inferior races.”
(Nick Kiefer, Honolulu, HA)

Brags about years as a law clerk for Judge Judy.
(Jane Murphy, New York, NY)

When asked to name his running mate, replies that he seldom jogs.
(Ron Pizarie, Bath, PA)

He claims Reno has his full support, but personally prefers Vegas.
(Ron Stillwachs, Alpharetta, GA)

Keeps chewing up Tipper’s newspaper rather than just fetching it,
like he was told to do.
(Robert W. Scott, Alexandria, LA)

Running as “JoJo the Juggling-Boy” seemed like a great idea
before the primaries.
(Robert W. Scott, Alexandria, LA)

His foreign policy includes importing French fries directly from
the factory in Paris.
(Ryan Williams, whereabouts unknown)

Campaign speeches cribbed from old “Baywatch” dialogue.
(Aaron DaMommio, Austin, TX)

Giggles uncontrollably when he hears that he is ahead in the poles.

(Stephen M. Theberge, whereabouts unknown)

Thinks “The Secret Service” is something performed by interns.
(Joe Toomey, Boston, MA)

Honorable Mention list name
(Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX)

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